She and Her Parents Haven’t Gotten Along Since She Moved Out. Then She Missed Her Dad’s Birthday Party Over a Scheduling Conflict, and Now They’re Even More Upset
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It is very common to have some conflict with your parents when you are growing up and moving out, but if everyone acts maturely, it isn’t a big deal.
What would you do if you hadn’t been talking to your dad much all summer after you moved out, but then you couldn’t go to his birthday party due to a scheduling problem, and now he is even more upset?
That is what happened to the woman in this story, and while she feels guilty for not being able to go to the party, there wasn’t anything she could have done.
In reality, it doesn’t seem like she has anything to feel bad about. Read through the full story below and see if you agree.
AITA for not going to my dad’s birthday party after he refused to talk to me all summer?
I (19F) decided not to go to my dad’s (50M) birthday party two days ago because I had to work.
Let’s see what led to this situation.
For context, I recently moved out of my parents’ home and into an apartment with my boyfriend (23M).
I admit that the way I left wasn’t handled perfectly, and I understand why my parents were hurt and angry.
These are normal conflicts that occur as a child transitions into an independent adult.
However, moving out had been something I wanted for a long time. My mom and I frequently argued, and I felt disconnected from my dad.
I believed getting my own place would give everyone space and allow me to become independent. My parents strongly opposed my decision to attend my university because they considered it too far (about 1.5 hours away) and didn’t want me living on campus.
She can’t expect them to continue supporting her financially.
Despite that, I enrolled anyway. When I eventually moved out, my family stopped supporting me financially. I understand that because I wanted to be self-sufficient, but my dad also stopped communicating with me unless it involved financial matters.
Even then, he usually communicated through my mom or by text. A little less than a month ago, it was my mom’s (49F) birthday. I had a morning shift that day, so I was able to attend.
Why are they treating her so poorly.
When I arrived, she told me to go say hi to my dad, but he could barely look at me. My sisters also made comments about me only coming for food, which wasn’t true.
After that, I stopped calling my mom because the whole situation made me feel unwelcome. Last week, I had a heartfelt conversation with my mom.
She is in a very busy time of her life.
I explained that I genuinely don’t have much free time because I’m balancing school, work, and finances. I attend school online, but my boyfriend and I share one car.
He uses it for school during the day, and I usually go to work after he gets home. I also barely have time for my friends where I live.
Her parents don’t seem to want to let her grow up.
My mom told me I need to find a better balance and said my reasons for leaving weren’t valid because my parents had done so much for me.
I understand that they raised me, supported me, gave me gifts, and my mom tried to attend my school events. I’m grateful for those things, and I still feel guilty about how I left.
The party was never officially scheduled until the last minute.
However, I also felt that leaving was necessary for my independence and to reduce the constant conflict at home.
Regarding my dad’s birthday, my mom and I discussed it throughout the week, but she repeatedly said she wasn’t sure what she was doing or when and would let me know.
She never gave me specific plans, so I didn’t make arrangements with my job.
If they wanted her to come, they should have given a set starting time.
The day before the party, she called asking if I was coming. I was confused because I had never been given a date, time, or actual plans.
By then, I was scheduled to work and couldn’t attend. Today, my mom called and expressed how deeply disappointed she was that I missed my dad’s birthday.
She has nothing to feel guilty about.
I feel guilty because my family is still important to me, but I also feel like I was expected to prioritize an event I was never given enough information to plan for—especially when my dad has barely spoken to me all summer.
AITA?
Honestly, even if there were zero issues between her and her dad, she couldn’t have made it to the party. She is just overthinking this because of the preexisting conflict.
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Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about what happened.
Getting some counseling could help.
The mom might have been trying to make her look bad.
This commenter says that they are proud of how she handled it.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a bride who invites her groom’s “best woman” out to dinner in order to get to the bottom of her true feelings for her future husband.
Here is a great question.
This commenter says that her parents are manipulating her.
She did nothing wrong and has no reason to feel bad about the situation. If her parents wanted her there, they should have given more notice.
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