Most of us get the shock of becoming parents and all that entails out of the way immediately. The baby comes out, they hand them to us and expect us to dress them, feed them, hold them, with very little supervision – and things just get harder from there, but you’re already boiling a little, right?

This guy found out later in his daughter’s life that she existed. His relationship with her mother was poor (due to his actions) and has been non-existent for over a decade.

He says he’s changed.

I have a daughter(11) with my ex-gf. We broke up before she was born and I know that it was my fault because I was an awful boyfriend and I cheated on her and other things but I’ve changed.

She didn’t tell me about my child until a while ago that I accidently found out about her and suspected she might be mine and got a dna test to confirm.

When he learned about his daughter he pushed for a chance to get to know her, only to be floored that his ex had told her exactly why they had broke up so long ago.

I have been trying to be involved in her life but my ex makes it very hard for me. I know she is still mad at me for the things I did when we were together but she is poisoning my daughters mind and turning her against me.

The other day she asked me why I cheated on her mom. Who says that to their child?

His daughter wants nothing to do with him even though he buys her gifts all the time. He told her fine, he won’t be her dad, then, and refused to speak to her during their time together.

Now every time she is with me she misbehaves. I’ve been showering her with gifts and attention but she is always like “I wish you weren’t my dad” eventhough I’ve been nothing but nice to her so a week ago I finally snapped and told her I won’t be her dad then.

He magnanimously continued to care for her basic needs, though, so he doesn’t know why everyone thinks he was wrong.

I still prepared food for her and took her to school and made sure she has everything she needs but I didn’t give her gifts, didn’t play with her or talk to her for a week.

My parents say I’m an a$$hole but I think it was good for her.

I have a feeling Reddit is about to tell him.

The top commenter says that OP is definitely wrong, and this is not the way to ingratiate himself, either.

This person feels more sorry for the kid than anything.

And this comment explains why no one is giving the ex-wife a free pass, either.

Several folks wondered if we’d be having a different conversation if the genders were swapped.

But that doesn’t excuse the way he’s treated her, right?

This guy could possibly be in the right as far as his daughter, but needs to figure out how to parent, and fast.

I hope he takes the advice and works on it!