When a kid lives with a stepfather or stepmother, plus their biological parent, the family dynamic can feel out of balance even if there is equal love and care.

See why the parents in this story feel insecure about their arrangement.

AITA for referring to my daughter as my eldest?

I met my wife when she was pregnant and she gave birth to “Julie,” who is 15.

I’m a stay at home dad and my wife works.

Julie’s biological dad isn’t involved and Julie has my last name.

Two years ago we told her that I’m not her dad biologically but she’s still mine.

I’ve raised her.

It seems like a simple arrangement.

“Olivia” is 14 and like my mini me.

She’s into everything I am and honestly she acts just like me.

Julie has her own interests.

We also have “Emma,” who is her mom’s mini me, so I think my wife is concerned about Julie feeling left out.

Julie is always involved.

My wife goes out of her way to ensure that all children get 1-1 time and we show interests in their clubs and hobbies and make time for them.

My wife has always been concerned as Julie is more sensitive than Olivia, we’ve had her assessed for autism but she’s not been diagnosed, she currently sees her school guidance officer.

But some problems have been creeping up.

I’ve been talking to my mom, who also sees Julie as her grandchild and I don’t know what the context is, but I said it’s nice because my wife experienced all of Julie’s firsts, and I have my firstborn Olivia…

My wife is upset, claiming because I called Olivia my first and that I don’t love Julie as much, that I can’t pick and choose.

My mom has been trying to talk to her and even took Julie for a sleepover as a way to prove she’s just as much our family as Olivia.

My wife is sure she just wants another grandchild.

AITA?

Here is what folks are saying.

Good points here. Words matter.

He sounds like a good guy.

Interesting theory. It wouldn’t surprise me.

I think that’s what he meant and he’s assuming his kids will see it that way, too.

Sounds like a good solution.

Why use labels like this at all?

He needs to change his whole way of thinking.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.