Sometimes keeping boundaries with your family and in-laws can benefit everyone in the long run, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Would you be okay with an in-law moving in with you and your spouse?

This woman has been very clear with her husband that she doesn’t want her mother-in-law to move in with them, but he wants his mom to live with them anyway.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for saying no to my MIL moving in with us right now?

My (31F) husband (30M) and I got married a month and a half ago.

Just three weeks after our wedding, his father passed away unexpectedly.

The family has been struggling…

The grief has been immense, and I’ve been doing my best to support him while also navigating my own health issues—I’m currently on medical leave and emotionally stretched thin.

I’ve travelled halfway across the world to be with him and I’m staying at his mother’s home right now.

We’re South Asian, and my husband is the only son, which comes with a lot of cultural pressure to “step up” and care for his mother, especially now.

This is where it gets bad…

I understand this deeply—men in our culture often feel indebted to their mothers, and caregiving is seen as a duty and a form of love.

I respect that.

That said, his mother will be coming to Canada and will be living primarily with his sister, who has a bigger home and a child.

She’s not homeless or without support.

She was not expecting that!

The idea came up that she might stay with us periodically, and we were going to give up our current apartment to move into a bigger place (which would’ve cost over $1,000 more in rent) to accommodate her.

I didn’t feel ready for that, especially because:

•I don’t feel fully comfortable around her yet—we’re still getting to know each other
•We haven’t even settled into married life yet
•I’m still processing grief, health issues, and the emotional whiplash of our wedding + his father’s death
•Before we got married, I had expressed clearly that I was not comfortable living with his parents, but I would be okay living close by so we could visit and support them.

Her reasons were valid…

I’m not as close to my parents and they would never make me feel obligated to care for them.

I come from a more independent background

To make things worse, the day after our wedding, my MIL told me that I needed to “lose a decent amount of weight” so I could look “prim and proper” and that she could get new clothes made for me.

That comment sent me into a massive spiral—I regressed into a teenage version of myself, full of shame. It took me weeks to emotionally recover.

UH OH…

My husband and his sister stood up for me, and MIL did apologize, but it still affected my sense of safety and comfort around her.

When I told my husband I wasn’t comfortable moving or having her stay with us right now, he said he felt depressed and like he doesn’t have a “supportive wife.”

Her husband won’t even listen to her side of the situation.

He asked “What if in two years you still say no?” and said I was being closed off.

I tried to explain my side—gently—but he cut me off, said I was “going on a spiel” and that I kept repeating myself.

Then he shut down completely and said, “I’m just trying to sleep.”

I feel gaslit.

She knows she cannot do this right now…

I’ve never said “never” to his mom staying with us. I just said “not yet.”

I need time to adjust, to settle into this marriage, and to feel like I have a home that’s ours—not a space where I’m a third wheel in a family dynamic that existed long before I joined it.

YIKES! That sounds horrible!

Her husband needs to listen to her.

Let’s find out what folks on Reddit think about this one.

This user knows the answer to such problems…

This user knows the husband’s intention for this marriage.

Exactly! This user knows that things will only get more stressful if the mother in law moves in.

This user wants her to give her husband an ultimatum.

This user knows what will happen in a few years, and it doesn’t sound very pleasant!

Someone’s playing the victim in this story!

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.