You hear a lot about people wanting nice romantic gestures from their partner.

But not like, at any time, maybe?

It can be tricky to surprise someone these days, and trying doesn’t always come off as planned.

This situation is definitely one of those.

Check it out.

AITAH for canceling a surprise birthday dinner for my girlfriend after she accused me of being sneaky with her schedule?

I [28M] have been dating my girlfriend [26F] for three years.

She’s currently studying for her grad school finals and has been really stressed.

I work full-time and handle most of the planning for things like bills, food, and errands to take some load off her.

We agreed she’d let me know in advance about anything important on her calendar so I could help organize around it.

So, he thought he’d do something fun.

Last week, I thought it would be nice to surprise her with a small birthday dinner at her favorite restaurant.

I knew she had a study session that afternoon, but the dinner was in the evening, so I figured it wouldn’t be a conflict.

I made a reservation and invited a few of her close friends.

But it wasn’t received very well.

When I told her about the surprise the day before, she got upset.

She said I shouldn’t have scheduled anything without checking with her first, even if it was for her.

She accused me of going behind her back and not respecting her boundaries.

I was shocked and explained that I just wanted to do something nice, and I truly thought she’d appreciate the effort.

She said that while she understood the intention, I should’ve respected her need for control over her own time.

We argued, and I eventually canceled the dinner and let everyone know.

When she found out, she got even more upset and said I was being passive aggressive for canceling instead of adjusting the timing.

I told her I didn’t want to push something she clearly didn’t want and didn’t feel right going ahead with it after being accused of being sneaky.

And now we’re living in the aftermath.

She’s still upset and barely talking to me.

So, AITAH?

I get that I should’ve asked first, but I honestly thought I was doing a kind thing.

Let’s see what the comments have to say:

I mean, which way is the wind blowing here?

Some saw her side for sure.

Others thought this felt like a no-win.

Man, I wish somebody would come take ME to a cool dinner.

He’s not wrong to be confused and hurt, that’s for sure.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.