Sharing space, even temporarily, requires trust, respect, and clear boundaries.

But when her partner volunteered her to host his overbearing friend in her space, things quickly became more complicated than either of them expected.

You’ll want to read on for this one!

AITA for asking my partner to find alternative accommodations for his friend?

A couple of weeks ago, my partner (34M) asked if his friend, “Lenny” (50s? M), could stay in my apartment while I (32F) was away on an international trip. I live alone (my partner lives with friends nearby).

She was initially hesitant about the request.

The original ask was that Lenny stay for three days over the weekend while he was in town teaching a workshop. I had misgivings, as Lenny has a history of being a bit difficult, and the last time he stayed with my partner, drama ensued.

But she was willing to trust her partner’s judgment on the matter… at first.

However, given the fact that my partner was willing to vouch for Lenny and would be nearby to make sure things were okay, I consented to allowing him to crash at my place. My only request was that Lenny not bring any guests over.

But it didn’t take long for boundaries to start getting crossed left and right.

The first day of my trip, I received texts from my partner saying that Lenny thought I had termites and asking if three of Lenny’s students could stay at my apartment for one night.

I was pretty frustrated (and admittedly cranky from jet lag) about being contacted about these things while abroad, and declined to host the students (who I’ve never met).

A argument between the couple ensued, but eventually blew over.

I assured my partner that what Lenny thought was termite dust was actually insect poison left by the exterminator.

Things were a bit tense as I shared my frustration with my partner, but we were able to pretty effectively resolve the issue and move on.

But that’s before Lenny starts majorly overstaying his welcome.

Two days later, I’m chatting with my partner on the phone and he mentions Lenny. I’m confused because, according to my recollection, Lenny should have already left our area.

My partner then lets me know that Lenny had asked to extend his stay, and my partner had forgotten to let me know or ask me if the extension was alright.

The stay is more than double what I’d originally agreed to (8 days instead of 3), and my partner would be out of town for the last couple of days of Lenny’s trip.

So the couple began to argue again.

I found this to be pretty upsetting and disrespectful, and expressed as much.

My partner was taken aback by the intensity of my reaction and felt like it shouldn’t be as big of an issue as I was making it.

Her partner continues to vouch for Lenny, but she feels like he’s not taking into consideration her feelings.

My partner’s position was that, since I’d be out of town for the duration of Lenny’s stay, he’d assumed that I wouldn’t care whether Lenny stayed a couple of extra days.

For him, having guests is not a big deal as he has a pretty casual approach to hosting. I’m generally less trusting and more protective of my space.

So finally, she puts her foot down once and for all.

After thinking about things overnight, the next morning I asked my partner to find alternative housing for at least the part of Lenny’s trip that he’d be out of town for, and to arrange cleaning for after Lenny leaves.

My partner agreed, but was hurt by my reaction and, to a certain extent, the severity of my requests.

AITA?

Her partner saw it as a harmless favor, but she saw it as a breakdown in trust.

What did Reddit have to say?

It’s abundantly clear to this redditor that she’s definitely not overreacting here.

Eventually she needs to ask herself this: Does she really feel comfortable being with someone who disrespects her boundaries so much?

It’s almost comical how quickly Lenny trampled over all boundaries.

Not everyone has the same comfort level with guests, which her boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand.

It was hard to ignore just how disregarded she felt in her own home.

Her partner may not have seen the big deal, but to her, respect for her space was non-negotiable.

If you liked this post, check out this story about an employee who got revenge on a co-worker who kept grading their work suspiciously low.