There’s something very special about being a twin.

While siblings often have a bond, this is often even stronger between those who share identical genes, with some able to understand one another in an almost mind-reading kind of way.

With so much in common, it’s no wonder that twins are often very close, even when they grow up to have quite different interests and personalities.

So when the twin in this story discovered his brother had got engaged, he was very excited for him – even though they now lived far apart, he still considered them to be very close across the distance.

But what happened next left him feeling hurt, ostracized, and alone.

Read on to find out how their once inseparable relationship got dramatically fractured.

AITA for skipping my brother’s wedding because I wasn’t invited to the engagement party?

I am a 28-year-old man, and I have a twin brother.

Growing up, we were inseparable and until recently I thought we were still very close.

I was always more of a shy nerd and he was an extrovert that played sports throughout our childhood and high school, but we spent almost all of our time together, by choice.

We went our separate ways when college came. He stayed local in Arizona and I went to college in Portland.

When I graduated, I stayed there because I fell in love with the city, my friends are here, my professional networks from internships were here, etc. But I always flew back home for holidays, events, birthdays, etc.

Let’s see how the situation between these twin brothers is changing.

Recently, my brother announced on instagram that he and his girlfriend of 3 years got engaged.

I was incredibly happy for him and texted him congrats.

He mentioned they were planning to have an engagement party in 6-8 weeks and I told him to let me know so I can book a flight to come celebrate.

I was never told a date. If I brought it up with him or anyone in my family, they’d change the subject or say it’s still being planned and confirmed.

After a few weeks I texted my brother to ask about the date because it must be getting close and I don’t want to pay for a last minute flight.

No response.

Then, things got weirder.

I asked my mom for details and she said, “It’s not really an engagement party, just a small dinner with family. There’s no need to come down for it.”

I eventually found out that it was, in fact, a big party. They rented out an entire restaurant for four hours and there were about 80 guests: family, friends, cousins, everyone.

Everyone was told I couldn’t make it.

My aunt, who was like a second mother to me, texted me that she was very disappointed I couldn’t make time to join.

And I replied that I would have happily come, but I was not invited.

Word spread quickly about my snub and my parents and brother tried to say it was just a misunderstanding.

Read on to find out what has happened in the time since.

That was almost over a year ago. Since then I’ve tried to get to the bottom of why I wasn’t invited.

Over the course of months it went from, “It was just meant to be a small gathering,” to “I don’t know what happened, there must have been a miscommunication,” to “It’s just a party. It’s no big deal.”

I asked my brother if he was mad at me, I thought maybe his fianceé didn’t like me. Even if she or he didn’t want me there, why were my parents ok with this? This really wasn’t like them.

Christmas and Easter was awkward as hell because no one but me wanted to address the elephant in the room and any conversation about anything was like small talk with strangers.

When I visited in May for my sister’s birthday, I left early after my sister said, “You moved so far away. It’s like you’re not really family anymore. You make everything feel so weird now.”

And the snubs didn’t stop there.

Nine months ago I got the Save the Date announcement, and six months ago I got the invitation to the wedding.

I wasn’t asked to be in the wedding party, which is fine and wasn’t surprising by that point.

My sister and younger brother were asked to be in the wedding party, so another snub.

I also didn’t get a plus one for my girlfriend, who I’ve been seeing for almost a year and a half. My sister, however, got a plus for her friend-with-benefits.

So I decided I wasn’t welcome and I was probably only invited for optics and to play happy family.

I didn’t RSVP no since I knew that would cause another drama, I just didn’t go.

Then the day of the wedding came.

The wedding was this past weekend. No one contacted me about missing the rehearsal dinner, so I guess even if I did go, I wasn’t invited to that or expected to be there.

I started getting calls and texts about an hour before the ceremony asking where I was, if my flight was delayed, how far along I will be, etc, and I ignored them. They stopped for a while during the ceremony but started up again right after.

I finally picked up my mom’s call and she screamed, “Where the hell are you?”

I replied, “In Portland, where you all prefer me to be.”

She said, “This is your brother’s wedding, how could you embarrass us?”

I answered, “It’s just a party. It’s no big deal, right?”

It was probably the first time in my life my mother was speechless.

After a few seconds of silence, I said, “Tell everyone I said hi,” and I hung up.

And the drama hasn’t stopped since the wedding.

Now I’m getting calls and texts from everyone saying I was being petty and ruined the day.

But I feel like I’m just matching their energy and dropping the rope.

AITA?

Sure, the fact that he didn’t RSVP is kind of an issue here.

But since no one bothered to chase up the lack of RSVP, there was no reason to simply assume he was coming, with no contact to suggest that he was – especially since the rest of the family seemed to have made their stance on him coming to family occasions clear.

The worst thing is the lack of communication from the rest of the family, when he was obviously hurt after not being invited to the engagement party. For a once inseparable twin, that must really hurt.

Let’s see what Reddit had to say about this.

This person agreed that he was the victim of the family, not the aggressor.

While others shared direct experiences of being similarly snubbed by family.

This Redditor unveiled the family’s manipulation for what it was.

And many pointed out how odd it is to assume someone is coming to a wedding without an RSVP.

Finally, this person pointed out just how awkward the wedding would have been if the twin had chosen to attend.

He deserves better.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.