When a family member passes away, it is generally a good idea to go to their funeral to say your final goodbyes and grieve with loved ones.

What would you do if your grandma died, but you were never close to her at all in life, and you didn’t want to go to the funeral?

That is what the granddaughter in this story is facing, and her mom is saying that she has to go, even though she is a grown adult.

Does she really have to go? Let’s read the whole story.

WIBTA if I don’t attend my grandmother’s funeral?

My (32f) paternal grandmother passed away this past Friday.

I didn’t feel anything.

Its not that I didn’t care, I just didn’t care as much as other people may feel like I should.

Ok, she has a bad father. That is unfortunate.

For context my father has been in and out of my life since I was about 8 years old. He could/would go years without contacting me.

When he would give me money for my birthday he would guilt me by accusing me of only wanting his money. And yes, I was a child at this time.

When he did pick me up to spend time with me he would drop me off at his mother’s house for hours on end, with no indication of when he’d return, to go play basketball and cards with his friends.

He’s been so absent in my life that there’s been 3 or so times in my adult life that he’s seen me in public and he didn’t even recognize me. But if you ask him, he’d tell you he is and was an amazing father.

This type of parent is the worst.

Every now and then, he’d show up for a big event like a graduation, throw his arm around me in front of my classmates and pretend he was always there. Like he was so proud of me.

He’s earned the nickname Meryl Streep between me and my therapist because he’s such a good actress.

Because of how inconsistent our relationship was, it stands to reason my relationship with his family would be even more inconsistent.

The one or two years my father could go without contacting me or checking in turned to eight or nine for his family. And when I did talk to them or a Christmas or a random birthday, I’d be guilted about not having called or visited them, as if they did those things themselves.

So, in time, I found the peace in the lack of contact I’d had with both my father and his family and accepted it.

She is a grown adult, her mom can’t force her to do anything.

But now since my grandmother has passed, my mom has attempted to, in a way, force me to go. She’s pulled the “you’re going and that’s final,” card and she gets angry whenever I push back.

I just, don’t feel comfortable going.

To me its disrespectful to show up at a funeral for a person you didn’t show up to see when they were alive.

I have no regrets or longing for what could have been with a relationship with my father’s family and I’d rather not show up and pretend or put on a show of grief that I don’t feel. Then if I go and don’t put on a show, my lack of grief and clear indifference will just become a topic of conversation for everyone else there anyways.

Why does her mom care so much if she goes?

I’d just rather say a prayer or honor her in my own way and let it go.

My mom is concerned about the backlash of me not going but I just genuinely don’t care.

I’m tired. I’m at the stage in my life, after everything I’ve been through that, I’m putting my own feelings first as too many times I’ve looked around and saw no one had my back while I was constantly trying to only satisfy them.

AITA?

Whatever the reasons, she wasn’t close to her grandmother and now she doesn’t want to go to the funeral. While many people will absolutely look down on her for not going, it is her choice.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit say about it.

This is pretty funny.

I was wondering this as well.

This commenter says to hold her own.

She may indeed regret it.

This commenter sums it up nicely.

She is expected to go to the funeral of someone who was basically a stranger.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.