Figuring out your leadership style when transitioning from middle management to boss can be tricky, but when does being friendly with your coworkers start to go too far?

What would you do if your spouse was continuously prioritizing their coworkers over you?

So much so that they insisted on traveling abroad with them and not you?

One guy recently checked the vibe on this on Reddit, with mixed results.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for telling my wife I don’t want her to come on a trip with my coworkers?

I (37M) have been a team leader in a small team of 6 people (male and female) for a year now.

It’s been a struggle to be “the boss”, and also friendly with my coworkers.

We work in a high-stress industry and I have to go hard on them if I want us to make all the deadlines, but I also try to be a good boss and have an open and friendly vibe.

This is a hard balance to strike.

So I’ve been investing more time in things like drinks after work, let’s say twice a month.

My wife commented on it how I already have a lot of friends (it’s true) and how she doesn’t get the point of meeting so often when we already work 50 hours a week.

But I’ve explained that this is important for the team and she accepted it.

Now, it gets tricky.

The issue came up when one of my coworkers who loves to travel suggested we all take a trip to Athens, as he came across a great deal, cheap flight, affordable accommodations, and the whole team decided to go, me included.

When I told my wife, she insisted that she wants to come too.

And I openly told her I don’t want her to go.

He has his reasons, and she has hers.

Nobody else is bringing a spouse and I feel that having her there would just make my work of balancing the friend and the boss hats, much harder.

I’d have to make sure that everything within the team is running smoothly and also consider my wife, her feelings and wishes during the whole trip.

Furthermore, she’s been to Athens before, unlike me.

Her argument is that we haven’t taken a vacation this year due to finances and this is a cheap option to “go somewhere after all”, that it is not a company organized event and we are going for leisure, not business reasons (no meetings, or organized work related events) and that it’s not any different than going with a friend group, so there is no reason why she cannot join.

She’s really stating her case.

She also pointed out that she always invites me when she goes out for drinks with colleagues, and sometimes I come, while I never invite her.

This is true, I don’t invite her because for me this is part of work and I’d rather focus on developing deeper relations with my teammates than being there as a couple.

She doesn’t seem to relate to this feeling, for her it’s the same wether I come or not and I think that now she’s starting to suspect that I have some hidden motives.

She was also very hurt by me saying “I don’t want you to come”, and has implied that I am a jerk for not inviting her in the first place and then telling her I don’t want her to come after she invited herself.

Can’t really blame the wife for thinking he’s TA.

I understand that she is hurt, but honestly this has nothing to do with her.

I do love my wife and spending time with her, and we do spend a lot of time together.

She is my best friend and favorite company, I just don’t need her in my “work life”. AITA?

Yikes. This one is a minefield. Let’s see how Reddit responded.

Most jumped right to defending the wife.

Some tried to glimpse into the poster’s psychology.

Some started to criticize his character.

A few pointed out the obvious.

Some encouraged him to get his priorities straight.

Sounds like this guy is more married to his job than his wife.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.