First birthday parties are fun but chaotic.

This woman told everyone that the baby’s birthday cake candle would not be lit to keep her baby safe. But her mom had other ideas, and she just won’t let up.

Read the full story below.

AITA for not lighting my daughter’s 1st birthday candle?

My daughter turned 1 and my husband and I threw a party to celebrate.

We had a bigger cake for everyone to eat and a smaller (baby-friendly) cake for my daughter to eat/destroy.

The smaller one was to be placed in front of her to sing happy birthday, so naturally, the candle would be on top of it.

We told everyone that the candle wouldn’t be lit for safety reasons, as we were scared she’d reach for the flame (she was in a highchair and the cake was on the tray).

Everyone said it was fine. We put the cake down, sang happy birthday, and as expected, my daughter reached for it.

This woman’s mom insisted to light the candle.

As we were taking photos of her destroying the cake, my mom told me (out loud) that we “must light the candle now.”

I told her no because it’s dangerous. She said my daughter was distracted with the cake so she wouldn’t notice the candle, to which I said no again.

She insisted twice and was told no each time, then proceeded to light a match anyway.

This is when a family member intervened and she stopped. For info, she wanted the candle to be lit while on the cake IN FRONT of my daughter.

And the mom kept on and on about it.

I was willing to forget what happened. But she brought up the issue continuously over the following days, insisting the candle should have been lit.

I asked her if this was a superstition/belief of hers (which I respect), but she told me no, that she simply heard a birthday candle must always be lit and blown.

No matter how often I explain the reason why we didn’t, she keeps saying we should have. What’s more confusing to me is that she claims not to care that deeply, but then keeps insisting on it.

She keeps telling me I could have found a way to do it instead of being so focused on “fighting her” about it.

She’s unsure if she did the right thing.

We didn’t always have a good relationship, growing up she was very angry and quite manipulative.

For a few years now, we have tried to close the rift between us.

I stand by my decision of not lighting the candle for the safety of my daughter, but could I have gone about this in a different way?

I didn’t know she felt so strongly about the candle until after we sang happy birthday.

Everyone tells me I made the right choice, and I fear this is just another one of her ways to get to me emotionally. But it’s been on my mind. AITA?

Grandma needs to calm down, it’s just a candle.

Other people in the comments have something to say.

Wise words from this person.

This one is calling out the grandmother.

This makes sense.

This user is chiming in.

And here’s some sage advice.

Safety first, traditions later.

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