How much money is a wedding guest expected to spend on presents for the bride and groom? Is it enough to buy a present to give them at the wedding and another present to celebrate their engagement, or do you have to send gifts for parties you didn’t even attend?

That’s the question the woman in this story is pondering. She is officiating her friend’s wedding, and she has spent quite a bit of money on gifts.

However, now her sister is making her wonder if she made a huge social faux pas by not sending another gift.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for not shipping a gift for a bridal party? (29f)

AITA for not sending a gift for a bridal shower I didn’t attend?

I (29f) live about 18 hours away from all of my family and family friends.

My siblings and I have these close family friends that we always called our “cousins” growing up. One of them, the son my age, is getting married to his girlfriend of 6 years.

We see these family friends maybe once a year now that we’re all grown up.

What an honor!

A year ago I was shocked and honored when him and his fiancé asked me to officiate their wedding, truly so special that they considered me to marry them!

I happily said yes, and shipped them a small engagement gift for their home as a congrats.

I will be flying for the wedding, my plane ticket was about $600 round trip.

There were more expenses.

I got ordained to marry them, which was free, but the certificates to prove I can sign off on their license were $60.

I also ordered a special marriage license for them to frame and keep in their home since I read most of the time you don’t get to keep a physical copy, it gets turned into the town hall etc. So I wanted to gift them a special copy for themselves and surprise them with that gift on the wedding day.

I am also including a $100 check in a card at the wedding. And I am ordering off their wedding registry as a wedding gift.

She didn’t go to the bridal party.

The bride had a bridal party a few weeks ago that my siblings and mom attended, and my mom kept asking me what I’d be sending her.

I wasn’t sure, and honestly didn’t feel very inclined since I wasn’t attending and also have about 4 gifts total already in the books for this wedding?

Yesterday on the phone my sister asked me what I ended up mailing the bride, and I told her I didn’t.

She yelled at me saying it’s wedding etiquette and that it was rude not to. And that she was disappointed in me for being almost 30 and not more aware of these adult things.

She’s wondering if she should’ve sent a gift.

I’m at a loss for how any of this is sane.

I can understand it being rude if I attended the shower without a gift, but I didn’t fly home for it? And I have sent an engagement gift, plus they know I’m one of the only guests flying in for the wedding.

I’m now worried it was a silent disappointment for them, but how is that necessary to have everyone gift the same cheesy house gifts over and over for a wedding. What happened to just giving money at the wedding and moving on!!!

All of these showers and gifts and everything feel so overwhelming and unnecessary, and like we forget the point of a wedding. To celebrate love. Why does it have to be celebrated with gifts?

AITA for not sending another gift

I completely agree that it seems like way too many gifts are expected at weddings. It should be about celebrating love and not seeing how many gifts you can get your friends to buy for you.

But should she have sent a gift for the bridal party she didn’t attend? Let’s see what Reddit thinks.

Her sister is wrong.

She has given enough gifts.

She should actually get a gift.

But she may not get a gift.

Weddings are expensive even for the guests.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.