If your parents were getting older and couldn’t live alone anymore, would you let them move in with you, or would you put them in a nursing home?

In this story, one woman’s mom specifically asks her not to put her in a nursing home, but due to several decisions her mom has made, she’s considering ignoring her mom’s wishes.

Keep reading for all the details.

AITA for not wanting respect my mom’s wishes to NOT put her in a home when she is old?

I am a 44 (F) and My mom (70) is fairly well off.

She remarried when I was very young and my step-dad has been in my life since I was 6.

Yes, they earned their fortune with the business they built so they worked hard for it.

She doesn’t really get along with her stepdad.

My relationship with my mom is pretty close, but with my step-dad it has been very strained in recent years. Mostly just due to his personality and mine just don’t vibe.

And now that I am in my 40s, I can’t just stand around and listen to his BS anymore (he likes to take little jabs at my self worth), so there is a lot of fights – which means I avoid him.

But me and my mom are still close.

She was really close to her grandma.

My grandma passed away many years ago, and I would say that I was one of the closest grandkids that she had.

We all lived in the same town and my grandma did a lot to help my mom raise me and my sister.

Summers at her house were common, and even when I was older, I still lived in same town and I saw my grandma all the time.

Her mom isn’t really the doting grandma type.

Contrast this with the fact that my mom has had my kids for a sleepover, they are 15 and 13, probably 7 times in their entire child life.

And they live on waterfront!!

You’d think having your grandkids play on the beach would be a regular event.

It really wasn’t, unless I took the kids there myself.

If I asked for help with the kids when they were younger, it was usually met with scrunched faces of discomfort of not wanting to do what I wanted. Babysitting from my mom was NOT an option, most of the time.

It really doesn’t make sense that her parents didn’t let her grandma move into their house.

Around the time my grandma was 88, my mom put her in a nursing home, where she passed away at the age of 94 (before covid thank god, and I was able to be with her a lot before the final day).

I always wondered why my mom and step dad didn’t let grandma stay with them. They have a million dollar property with a large walk out basement, complete with a bathroom and kitchenette, with room for a guest. As I said it’s waterfront and the basement has an amazing view.

They did all the work to the basement (before grandma passed) as if it would be for someone to stay there, but for the most part it holds guests for a few nights that visit them, and basically the basement has always been an empty part of the house.

This is pretty ironic.

About two months ago, not even sure how it came up, but my mom looks at me with desperation in her eyes and said “please don’t ever put me in one of those homes”.

I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything, but inside I was screaming “THEN WHY DID YOU PUT GRANDMA IN A HOME!”

Last night I went over to moms house for a birthday dinner and while I was there it was let slip that they are deferring their property taxes until they die.

For some reason, this information has really flared me up.

This really isn’t fair.

They have all the money in the world and refuse to pay their taxes?

I feel ripped off for some reason like they are happy to spend any future inheritance that me or my sister would have.

Trust me when I say, they should be able to afford the tax bill which is $5000 a year approx.

It has made me feel incredibly angry that my mom expects me to take care of her in a way that she didn’t do for my beloved grandma, while at the same time flippantly going to leave me with a major property tax bill when they pass.

And just how over the years of raising a family I have always felt unsupported by her.

The future may not work out the way her mom would like.

I just feel like her selfishness knows no bounds.

I know I am not entitled to their money and so they can defer their taxes if they want – it is just all of it together.

I feel like telling my mom bluntly “you put grandma in a home when you had the means to help her, so why should I do it for you?” Especially when you compound the fact that my mom is a boomer and seems to have no respect or understanding for the cost of living crisis and how much we are struggling to make ends meet.

I might simply NOT be able to afford it ! She may need to sell her house and use that money to pay for a nursing home.

She’s not sure what to do.

If she can’t get a nice home because of the pending property tax bill, that is not my problem.

This is going to start a massive fight.

Should I just not say anything?

I just don’t know how to feel about it all any more, and I am wondering if IATA because right now my plan is to not respect my moms wishes when the time comes.

If a nursing home was good enough for grandma, it’s good enough for her mom.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

Here’s some advice.

This is a good point.

Here’s a recommendation to let her mom and a lawyer handle everything.

One woman offers her perspective.

It’s too early to make this decision.

If you liked that story, check out this post about an oblivious CEO who tells a web developer to “act his wage”… and it results in 30% of the workforce being laid off.