Friendship shouldn’t feel like being on standby.

So when a college freshman was carelessly referred to by her friend as a “backup bestie,” she realized exactly where she stood.

And once she did, there was no going back.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for telling my best friend I don’t want to be her “backup” friend anymore?

I (F19) have been best friends with “Sarah” (F19) since middle school.

We used to be super close — FaceTiming every night, hanging out every weekend, and talking about everything.

It soon became clear college would change everything.

But ever since we started college (we’re at different schools), things have changed.

She’s made a new friend group, and honestly, I’m happy for her. But it feels like she only texts me when they’re busy or when she’s having drama with them.

Often times, she feels completely ignored by Sarah.

I’ll try to make plans and get left on read. Then suddenly, when her new friends are “toxic” or she’s bored, she remembers I exist.

Last weekend, she called crying about one of them ditching her. I comforted her like I always do.

Then Sarah said something super hurtful.

Then she said, “I’m so glad I still have you, my backup bestie.” I froze.

I don’t think she meant it in a mean way, but it stung.

So she told Sarah how she felt — and it didn’t go well.

The next day, I texted her and said that I felt like I was just a second choice to her now. I also told her I didn’t want to keep being a “backup” friend.

She got super defensive, said I was being dramatic and selfish, and now she’s ghosting me completely.

Her family thinks she should have bit her tongue, but she’s not so sure.

My mom says I should’ve just ignored the comment and been there for her. But I feel like I finally stood up for myself.

So… AITA for telling her I didn’t want to be her backup anymore?

It sounds like there’s a real imbalance here.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter makes a very apt analogy.

There’s also such a thing as outgrowing friends.

This friend’s behavior is kind of a red flag anyway.

This user finds the mom’s advice quite problematic.

At the end of the day, no one should be forced to settle for crumbs.

Some friendships don’t last forever — and maybe that’s okay.
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