It’s exhausting when someone who’s supposed to feel like family keeps finding subtle ways to remind you where you rank.

So, what would you do if your mother-in-law repeatedly sidelined you and your spouse during the holidays, then suddenly introduced a Secret Santa rule that felt like another quiet slight?

Would you go along or would you refuse to participate?

In the following story, one daughter-in-law has her reasons for leaning toward the latter.

Here’s her story.

WIBTA if I don’t participate in Secret Santa gift exchange during holiday party with the in-laws

Let me (27F) start by saying I don’t have the best relationship with my mother-in-law (59F). We started off our relationship really well, and at one point, I genuinely thought of her as my mother.

However, her lack of care for both me and my husband (30M) really upset me. When I confronted her about it, she always had an excuse.

Like, for example, she would meet up with her daughter (36F) and the grandkids (15M, 12M) weekly, but when we asked to hang out, she would always have excuses such as having too much going on with work and other priorities, or we live too far (40 minutes away).

The MIL clearly treats her daughter and grandchildren differently.

Another example: my sister-in-law was going through some financial difficulties, so my MIL made the executive decision to cancel gift-giving like 2 weeks before Christmas, mind you, we already bought gifts! She did this 2 years in a row!

Later, I find out she indeed bought a few expensive gifts for her daughter and grandkids.

At this point, it’s so obvious that she neither wants to spend time with us nor wants to buy any thoughtful presents for her own son, let alone for me, something she so willingly does for her other kid.

Now, she’s back at it this Christmas.

Which brings me to this Christmas. She just texted us this morning that they won’t do individual gifts again and instead will do a secret Santa $25 gift card exchange. Mind you, this lady makes over $150k, and it’s not like gift-giving isn’t her thing, as she clearly does.

At this point, I am just tired of her coldness, and I just don’t want to participate in any of the family events.

However, I am going this year as her elderly mom passed away earlier this year, and I want to show up and be there as this will be her Christmas without her mom. But really not feeling like bringing stupid gift cards.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see why she feels this way, but it would be weird being the only ones not participating.

Let’s see how the fine folks over at Reddit would handle it.

According to this reader, she’s making trouble.

Here’s someone who thinks she should make other plans.

For this person, she sounds jealous.

This is a good way of looking at it.

It’s time for a conversation.

She should start with her husband, and then they should both sit down with his mom.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.