All families are different, and that goes double for blended families. You really can’t force a specific type of relationship on people that they aren’t comfortable with.

What would you do if your dad married your stepmom years ago, and he is upset that you still call her stepmom rather than just mom?

That is the situation that the son in this story is in, and dad keeps pushing the issue, so the son told him that if he wanted to talk about it further, it needs to be with a therapist present.

AITA for telling my dad we need therapy together if he keeps pushing the issue of what I call my stepmom?

My dad says I’m making things more difficult than they need to be and that by saying we need therapy, I’m saying there’s a problem when he’s just curious.

Why does he need a therapist involved?

Right now he’s angry that I (17m) won’t talk more about what I call my stepmom unless we’re in front of a therapist.

But in the last year he has brought up about 15 times now and I wish I was exaggerating but he keeps pushing the issue and I’m tired of it.

Thank you, some explanation is definitely needed.

Some explanation about what’s going on. I’m the middle kid of three from dad and mom.

My sister (19) is older and my brother (15) is younger. We were 4, 6 and 8 when our mom died.

That is sad.

And as much as I hate to think about it my parents marriage was not a happy one and if mom had died 2 years later they would have been divorced.

There are issues I can remember better now than I could really notice at 6. They were good about keeping them away from us.

Everyone grieves differently.

Dad was dating again about 5 months after mom died. He dated a few people casually and my sister had a really hard time with it.

We talked about it semi-recently and she told me she had hoped our parents could fix the issues and stay together and she can’t even think about how mom living likely would have led to their divorce. And when dad met our stepmom 14ish months after mom died my sister took it hard.

So far, it seems like Dad is managing things pretty well.

We found out when he was dating her for 3 or 4 months. He told us how long it was back then. He said he wanted us to meet her but wanted us to be ready.

My brother didn’t really have a hard time with it. But I did and my sister did even more. I think he realized after a couple more months that we would never be ready so he introduced us and she was nice but I kind of retreated into myself.

All kids react differently to this type of thing.

My sister ignored her and wouldn’t even say hi. Dad put us into individual therapy and we stayed in therapy for like threeish years. So we were in therapy throughout the move in, engagement and wedding period.

I started getting along a little better with my stepmom. My sister never could. She was polite enough but she never formed a relationship with her.

This is ok, all relationships are different.

I did but it was nothing like a relationship between a kid and their parent. I saw her more like a family friend.

She was someone I could talk to, didn’t mind spending time with, but I didn’t love her or start calling her mom or anything. But I liked her. When we did stuff together I had a good time. I listened to her when she was left in charge.

All this seems pretty normal, so far.

Me, my sister and dad had some fights over Mother’s Day and the cards we gave our stepmom. This was after her and dad had been married for like 2/3 years at that point.

My sister wanted to give her nothing, I said the card had to say stepmom and not mom. My sister said she’d sign the stepmom card but not the mom card.

Be careful, Dad. Trying to force step-mom to take the place of mom is never a good idea.

Dad gave in but asked why it had to be step because people could have two moms. My sister told him to go pound sand, she got punished. I told dad I didn’t have two moms.

My brother calls our stepmom mom half the time and the other half he uses her name. Our half siblings always called her mom and never got confused or anything by some of us calling her by name.

We had a few good years. But then my dad asked me why I opted for the alternative assignment in a class.

There is nothing wrong with this. Dad should let it go.

The first assignment was to write out an interview and have our moms answer. I didn’t want to interview my stepmom for it and got the alternative one which was given to a few others in my class.

Dad asked me why I got the alternative and I explained it to him. This was last year. He asked why not ask my stepmom and I said because it was for our mom.

Why are parents like this sometimes.

It started him asking me why I still didn’t feel comfortable calling her mom. I explained that I like my stepmom but she’s more like a family friend than a mom.

He brought up my brother and I told him we all felt differently and asked why it was such a big deal. He told me he didn’t understand why I can’t call her my mom because it had been 10 years since mom died and she wasn’t coming back.

He needs to let it go.

Then he brought it up 14 more times (like I said) and every time he asks me the same stuff, pushes me back on why can’t she be my mom and asking me questions about the future that he never likes my answers to.

He told me last time that people told him that we’d get older and it would happen naturally. That like 15-20 is when kids appreciate stepparents like that more and if not then when they become parents.

Maybe because he is trying to force it.

But he said he doesn’t sense any change toward that at all. That it’s not like I just call her by her first name but treat her like my mom.

He said I act more like she’s my aunt and my sister doesn’t have anything to do with her at all so he’s come to realize we’re not going to be those kids.

It isn’t fair to the kids to try to push a relationship like this.

He said he doesn’t understand it though and wants to challenge me because he doesn’t think it’s fair to my stepmom.

But I don’t want to keep going over this so I told him if he wants to talk about it more and/or keeps pushing we need therapy. And he doesn’t like that.

AITA?

At first I thought this person was being unreasonable, but as the story went on, it became clear that Dad was in the wrong here. Introducing a therapist (or any trusted third party) may be the only way to get Dad to realize what he is doing.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

The kids have done nothing wrong.

This is the way to handle a situation like this.

This commenter says dad is in the wrong. I agree.

The relationship is what it is, dad needs to accept that.

Dad needs to accept reality.

Let it go dad, you’re causing more harm than good here.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.