Words said in anger tend to carry a lot more weight than you think.

So, what would you do if you spent years raising your partner’s child as your own, but during arguments, you were told that he’s “not your son?”

Would you let it go because it was said in the heat of the moment? Or would you try to explain how badly those words hurt your feelings?

In the following story, one stepfather finds himself in this situation and tries to speak up.

Here’s what happened next.

AITA for threatening to stop contributing to my stepson’s college fund after my wife said he’s not “our” son?

We got married in our mid 30s. I was single, and she was a single mother of a 3-year-old son. The boy’s biological dad had been totally absent since the divorce, and didn’t give any child support, so I was supposed to totally take his place as the father of that child.

I had no issues, mainly because he was just 3 at that time, and I believed he would surely accept me as his dad. Things went smoothly and as I expected for the next 6-7 years.

Currently, we’re in our mid-40s, and the kid is now 14 years old. As he grows, he starts arguing, questioning things, etc., basically doing all the things a teen normally does with their parents.

He’s never been an absent father.

I tried my best to be the best dad since day one, but for the last four to five years, whenever a quarrel happens with our kid and I try to get involved in it, my wife shuts me up by saying sentences like, “Don’t get between me and my son,” and, “I know him the best, he’s my child,” etc.

Even though she says that in complete anger, it hurts badly. I feel such things shouldn’t be said, no matter what.

Although I work a full-time job, it’s not like I’m an absent father. I give most of my remaining time to my family. My connection with old friends has weakened, and I have made no new attachments (friends) at work.

Even after talking, she does it again.

I discussed this, and how bad it makes me feel, with her two to three times in the past, and she just shrugs it off, although she doesn’t argue, but gets kinda sorry. She very rarely says sorry directly; it just reflects in her behavior.

But the same thing happens even after that, like four out of every ten fights we have are about our kid.

The same happened last week. That was the final breaking point, and I made her sit and talk last Sunday (when our son was out) for an hour.

Now, she’s upset because he’s trying to set boundaries.

It quickly turned into a fight between us, and I told her that if he’s “her” son and not “ours,” then all his financial responsibilities are hers as well, and she shouldn’t be really expecting me to put monthly money in his college fund as well, as she’s “her” son, right?

We both earn and have been saving for his college fund since he was 2.5, and we continue to contribute to it monthly, equally.

I’m thinking of not putting any money in it UNTIL she apologizes. I know it sounds like I’m punishing our son, but I’ll be just secretly saving those monthly payments somewhere else until then.

AITA?

Yikes! This is enough to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Let’s see what the folks over at Reddit suggest he do.

This reader thinks she’s being unfair.

Here’s a good way to look at it.

For this reader, she’s luckier than she thinks.

This reader thinks he should stop contributing altogether.

He’s always done the right thing.

It’s time she realizes that, or their marriage could be on the rocks.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.