Growing up sometimes means hiding things from your family to keep the peace.

So, what would you do if you were 21 and wanted to take an international trip to visit your partner, but your overprotective parents would throw a fit if they knew? Would you tell them anyway and deal with the fallout? Or would you keep the trip a secret and tell one of your friends instead?

In the following story, a young woman finds herself in this situation and is leaning towards the latter. Here’s the full scoop.

WIBTAH if I went abroad next week by myself and didn’t tell my family?

So I (21F) have booked a trip to Northern CA, the San Francisco area, next week to visit my partner (M23). I will be going for 6-7 days and travelling there alone, but staying with my partner the entire time.

Everything has already been sorted. I have my ESTA approved, my return flight booked, and accommodation arranged for where I’m staying with my partner. My one thing is that I’m not planning on sharing this with my family at all.

My family can be quite overbearing and can be the helicopter parents when it comes to things, even if it’s a small thing like me finishing uni later than I initially thought. They go into a whole line of questioning and turn the situation into something bigger than it needs to be.

Previous conversations didn’t go well.

When I previously mentioned that I was considering taking a trip (not even booked), it quickly escalated into worst-case scenarios, repeated warnings, and long discussions about everything that could go wrong. That experience is a big reason I’m hesitant to tell them now.

I’ve never really travelled internationally on my own – sometimes it’s been small trips around the country, but nothing major. Even then, though, it’s led to a lot of constant messages, panic, and a bit of guilt-tripping.

With this being overseas, I know it would turn into nonstop questioning, emotional pressure, and continuous guilt-tripping throughout the whole trip (along with after it).

She would tell someone, just not her family.

I would, however, be sharing what I’m doing with a friend (flight information, where I’m staying, etc) so that I can check in that I’m alive and okay, and if something did happen, then at least someone knows where I am.

I understand that parents worry, especially since this would be my first time travelling alone.

At the same time, I’m an adult, the trip is short and planned, and I don’t feel like I should have to manage other people’s anxiety at the cost of my own experience.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see both sides of this, because it is dangerous, but she is an adult.

Let’s check out what the people over at Reddit think about her plan.

This reader’s parents are the same way.

According to this reader, she should tell them she’s leaving.

Yet another person who thinks she should be honest.

These are thoughts from a mother.

She should tell them.

Anything can happen when you’re traveling, especially abroad, so it’s best to let them know.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.