When you’re the first in your group of friends to have kids, it’s normal to be a bit worried that you might be alienated as a result.

After all, while you’re home with your child, all your friends’ lives are going on without you, so the FOMO is real, and sometimes warranted – albeit most friendships shift naturally and are sustained through these times, albeit in a quieter way.

However, worse are the folks who automatically assume that because they have a child, every event with their friends suddenly needs to be child-friendly.

Gone are nights out and boozy weekends, swapped out for soft play and Disney movies, all because one of the group chose to have a kid?

The assumption is ignorant at best – after all, having kids was the parents’ lifestyle choice, but they didn’t automatically implicate their friends in child-rearing too.

For the guy in this story, his friend is, regrettably, amongst the latter group, and it’s having a real impact on their friendship.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for refusing to allow my friend’s 6-year-old stepkid in my apartment and ending the friendship over it?

I (29, male) had a friend “Y” (we were friends for over ten years).

He’s been dating “M” for about a year, and she has a 6-year-old daughter. Y decided to take her as his stepdaughter.

My girlfriend (27, female) and I have been together for around six years, living together for two.

We don’t enjoy being around kids that much, and Y knows this.

Let’s see how this started to cause problems in the friendship.

The issue started when Y and M began bringing her daughter to every group plan (movies, restaurants, hangouts), without asking if others were okay with it (none of my friends have kids besides them).

On top of that, they don’t control her behavior. She grabs our phones and stuff without permission, tries to grab and chase our pets in our apartment and invades personal space, while they do nothing.

Even before the main conflict, they would often ask everyone to adapt our plans so their daughter could be included. For example, suggesting we watch kids’ movies, go to places without alcohol, or generally shift plans to be more child-friendly, even when we wanted to do other stuff.

Because of all this, my girlfriend and I stopped wanting to include them in plans at our apartment. I told Y clearly that we don’t want kids in our home. He kept arguing and trying to convince me I was wrong for not liking his stepdaughter instead of respecting our decision.

And things only got worse from there.

Things escalated when my girlfriend organized her birthday party at our apartment and wrote in the invitation that she wanted no kids at her party.

Y messaged me saying that was rude and that “a sane person wouldn’t write that.” I defended my girlfriend, telling Y it’s her party, our home, and we can set whatever rules we want. He also criticized my girl personally, saying she’s “hostile” and makes things uncomfortable for everyone.

At that point, I snapped. I felt he hugely disrespected my girlfriend, I also felt pressured, and tired of the constant arguments and lack of boundaries.

I told him I didn’t want to continue the friendship. In the end, our mutual friends sided with me and also decided to distance themselves from Y and M, so he pretty much lost all of his friends for this.

AITA?

Yes, Y and M have a kid now, but that doesn’t mean that all of their friends are the kid’s de facto parents too.

So it follows that they don’t want all their events and hangouts to be kid-friendly, nor disturbed by a boisterous child.

No one has a problem with the kid – they just don’t want her to be a constant staple of all of their celebrations.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that he was being totally reasonable while his friend absolutely was not.

While others explained that the friend shouldn’t just assume that everyone wants the kid in their lives.

And this Redditor thought the friend needed to make new, dad-friends.

Sure it might be upsetting for the guy that his friends are effectively rejecting the constant company of his step-child.

But to make insulting comments about his friend’s girlfriend because of his upset?

That’s absolutely not okay.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.