“What do you do for work?” is one of the most loaded questions in social small talk — and for some people, the honest answer feels impossible to give to a stranger.

A woman who cares for a sick family member at home and had taken a break from college after a serious accident and a learning disability diagnosis found herself fielding exactly that question at a casual outing with someone she had just met.

But instead of explaining her actual situation, she decided it was more convenient to spin a new tale she thought would be more interesting.

The follow-up questions came fast, the story got longer, and by the end of the night, she was holding together a version of herself that simply didn’t exist.

Keep reading for the full dilemma.

AITA I lied about my job and education when meeting new people?

Recently, I was out with a friend of a friend and they asked me what I do for work and what I’m currently doing in life.

I lied and said I’m a server.

She decided she needed to stretch the truth a little.

In reality, I care for a sick family member at home and get paid through IHSS.

I also said I finished my degree in economics, but I actually took a break from community college two years ago after being diagnosed with a learning disability and going through a serious car accident.

I do plan to finish my degree in the future.

I ended up lying because I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed explaining my situation.

She doesn’t think her reality is near as marketable, so she’s forced to keep up a façade.

I also don’t always see caregiving as a “real job,” even though I know it technically is employment.

Once I said I was a server, they started asking follow-up questions like what restaurant I work at, and I kept up the lie.

Come to think of it, she’s not really a fan of questions about work in general.

The person I was talking to didn’t really share much about their own job or life, but they did ask me questions about mine.

I don’t usually go out much, and I actually feel awkward asking people things like “what do you do for work?” or “what’s your career,” because it feels intrusive to me.

I usually prefer asking about interests instead.

I’m wondering if I was in the wrong for lying in this situation.

She feels insecure that she’s not acting like a “normal” person should.

Is it normal for people to ask about jobs and education when meeting someone new?

And how honest are you expected to be when your situation feels complicated or embarrassing?

I struggle with feeling judged when I explain my full story, but I also don’t want to keep lying.

AITA for lying about my job and education when meeting new people because I felt embarrassed?

Meeting new people is hard, and it’s even harder when you feel insecure.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a betting shop employee who is asked the dreaded question “don’t you know who I am?”

What did Reddit make of this dilemma?

When in doubt, it’s better to tell the truth.

There’s no way she’s the first person to lie about her job when meeting someone new.

Had she answered honestly and the other person responded with judgement, it would have saved her a lot of time weeding out a bad friend.

This woman definitely deserves more credit than she’s giving herself.

There’s a clear difference between lying to manipulate someone and lying because you are not ready to explain yourself to a stranger at a casual social event — and this was very clearly the second one.

This woman is doing real, exhausting, undervalued work while managing a learning disability and recovering from an accident, and someone she just met asked her to summarize all of that in a single sentence over small talk.

The only thing she actually needs to work on is believing that what she does every day is worth saying out loud.

Caregiving is a real job. She just has to let herself say it.