An above-ground swimming pool can be a lot of fun for both kids and adults, but in some cases, it can also invite unwanted drama.

What would you do if, along with the new pool, you added privacy panels to make sure your neighbors couldn’t see you and to keep their kids from visiting, but that made them upset?

That is what happened to the family in this story, and she admits that at least part of the reason to keep the panels up is to keep the (somewhat annoying) neighbor kids from asking to come swim; she also doesn’t want to cause drama in the neighborhood. She doesn’t really know how she should handle the situation.

I think she needs to be honest about it all, but not cruel. Just telling the neighbors that she doesn’t want kids over all the time is very reasonable. Read through her full story and see what you think she should do.

Pool Drama

We put up an above ground pool for our kids this summer, and apparently accidentally started neighborhood drama.

Having a pool in the summer is wonderful.

For context: our house has a really unusual backyard setup. We have a giant screened-in patio/pool cage area (about 1200 sq ft) but no in-ground pool.

We realized one of those temporary above ground pools would fit perfectly in the space, so we set one up for the summer. It comes down in September.

I’m sure the neighbor kids will want to come swim.

Our neighbors are nice people overall, and our kids have played together for a couple years. Mine are 11 and 9. Theirs are 10, 6, and 4. Both families homeschool, so all the kids are home most of the time.

The issue is… there’s almost zero separation between our yards. There’s technically a fence, but it alternates panels so you can still fully see into each other’s backyard/patio area.

It would be funny and cute at first, but it would quickly turn annoying.

The neighbor kids are constantly at the fence. And I mean constantly. If I’m gardening it is constant: “What are you doing?” “What are you planting?” “Can I see?” “Hi!” “Hi!” “Hi!”

If we’re eating outside, they’re there. If we’re sitting outside, they’re there. If they hear us open the back door, suddenly hands are through the fence calling everyone’s names.

There is really no doubt this will happen.

I’ve always tried to be kind because they’re kids, but honestly it started feeling like my family could never just exist privately outside.

Once we got the pool, I knew exactly what would happen if we didn’t create boundaries: kids standing at the fence watching constantly asking to swim every single time. Disappointment/meltdowns when told no. Me becoming default lifeguard/babysitter for much younger children.

I don’t blame her for not wanting to go through this.

And I’m just… not doing that.

Ages 11 and 9 swimming with ages 10, 6, and 4 completely changes the dynamic. It stops being “my kids hanging out in the pool” and becomes active supervision duty. Also, once you allow casual “pop over and swim” access one time, it becomes an expectation.

This seems like a smart move.

So we put up outdoor privacy curtains around sections of the patio.

A few panels along the patio wall that is a mere 3 ft from the shared fence line, and a couple on the other side of the pool. Just so our family could enjoy the space without feeling observed every time we are out there.

Maybe she should just explain it to the neighbors.

Well apparently this deeply offended the neighbors. They brought up that we’ve all gone to the community pool together before and said the curtains “feel personal.”

And honestly… it IS personal, but not in the malicious way they mean.

The dynamic with the neighbors has clearly changed.

I personally want privacy in my own backyard. I personally do not want an open-access kid pool situation all summer. I personally don’t want to spend every swim session negotiating disappointment from other people’s children.

Now things feel weird. The parents are short with us. Their kids seem bored because my kids don’t want to play out front as much anymore (because the second they do, the younger kids immediately attach themselves to them for hours).

Every kid is different, and some of them are less than pleasant.

To complicate it more, their oldest child is honestly difficult to host. She’s taken things from our garage without permission before, lies to stir up drama between kids, and gets possessive/exclusionary during playdates.

I don’t parent other people’s children, so I mostly stay out of it, but it definitely affects how often my kids want to play.

Above-ground pools aren’t as durable as in-ground.

Part of me feels guilty because I have considered offering occasional swim playdates so the kids don’t feel excluded. Especially because I’m a SAHM and they have a work at home situation.

But honestly? Their kids don’t really listen well to rules, and that’s another huge reason I’m hesitant. This isn’t an in-ground pool built like a tank. It’s an above ground pool with a vinyl liner/frame setup.

Having the neighbors come over with their kids might be better.

I already know I’d spend the entire time stressed about kids hanging on the sides, roughhousing, climbing the frame, ignoring pool rules, etc. And beyond the pool itself… I also don’t think owning a pool automatically makes me responsible for providing free childcare and entertainment all summer.

Because realistically, that’s what it would become. I’ve thought maybe occasional family swim hangs could work better with parents there too, everyone relaxing together, frozen drinks, casual vibe — because then the actual parenting/supervision stays with the parents.

This is just part of navigating neighborhood relationships.

But I also don’t know how often I genuinely want to host that either. Especially because we already have a community pool in the neighborhood they can use anytime. It just requires the parents to actually take them there and supervise them themselves.

What makes this even more awkward is that my kids do sometimes have one neighborhood friend over to swim. She’s 11, does a sport with my kids 5 days a week, is a strong swimmer, follows rules well, and honestly just matches their energy and age group naturally.

I think her concerns are justified.

She also comes by herself, not as part of a younger sibling group dynamic. So now I’m worried the neighbors see that and think, “Oh, so OUR kids are the problem.”

And… it’s uncomfortable because the issue isn’t that I dislike their children. It’s that there’s a massive difference between: one older, independent kid coming over occasionally vs becoming the default entertainment/supervision zone for three younger children all summer long.

Setting clear boundaries is important.

Especially when one situation feels relaxing and easy, and the other feels like active childcare and risk management.

So, now I’m sitting here wondering: Are we being reasonable? Is this just one of those unavoidable neighborhood boundary clashes? Or did the privacy curtains unintentionally send a harsher message than intended?

Honestly, I think she may be overthinking this. She should set her boundaries and stick to them. If the neighbors don’t like it, that is on them.

Read on to see what the people in the comments think of this situation.

I think this person is being very reasonable, too.

Wanting privacy is not a bad thing.

I think this commenter is correct.

She can’t worry about what her neighbors will think.

This would get annoying very quickly, though.

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries, especially when it comes to swimming pools. If she is clear about these things, hopefully the neighbors will respect it and not get upset with her, but you never know.

Nothing she was saying seemed at all unreasonable. Of course, it is not always the case that the neighbors will be reasonable as well.