The Family Reunion Was Going Smoothly—Until Cleanup Time Triggered Decades of Hidden Resentment
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You only need to take a glance at a family tree to know that it’s quite natural for families to get bigger and bigger over time. After all, as a species we’re living longer, meaning that while the younger generations are having kids, there are more of the older generation still alive to see – and dote upon – those children. And while this does mean more expensive holidays, since there are more folk to give gifts to, it also means that getting the family together can be a really lively affair.
So naturally the grandchild in this story was excited when a rare family reunion date was set, since this meant getting together with all the extended family they hadn’t seen in years. Some of the wealthier cousins paid for a mini private resort for them all to stay at, and this family mini-break got underway. But as the celebrations came to a close, it became clear why some of the family had lost touch all those years ago.
Read on to find out why.
AITA for telling my relative to stop going to reunions if contributing offends her?
My grandpa and his six siblings all have multiple children and grandchildren, so you can imagine we’re a huge family.
We used to have semiannual family reunions when I was younger, but it stopped by the time I reached middle school. Nobody really gave a reason why the adults stopped making plans, they kinda just did.
My grandpa and most of his siblings have since passed and now, and we are trying to have those gatherings again.
Last week, my uncles, aunts, and some of my older cousins chipped in to book a mini private resort. Some of us chipped in for stuff like food, silly game prizes, and karaoke equipment.
Let’s see how the reunion went.
I won’t really go into much detail, but it was super fun and everybody had a good time.
While cleaning up, I heard one of my cousins (let’s call him Joe) call out to our other cousins to help. One of those who got called (let’s call her Sara) stomped her way to one of the tables and angrily threw used paper cups and cutlery into the trash bin.
We were a bit tipsy so Joe got annoyed and asked Sara what her problem was. Sara said Joe was being bossy and condescending. She said Joe can’t boss her around just because his parents paid a huge portion of the resort expense.
Sara’s brother (let’s call him Bryan) let out a sarcastic laugh and said it’s exactly why his parents stopped coming to these reunions a long time ago. He said their parents would usually be asked to wash the dishes by those who contribute financially.
Let’s see how Joe responded.
Joe was confused and asked them what the heck they were talking about. It was basically family tradition for the younger members of the family to clean up.
It got into an argument between the cousins, but the elders diffused the situation. The reunion kinda ended on a bad note because of that.
Sara then started texting me and saying pretty bad stuff about Joe and his family. I was also tipsy on the drive back home and I still had pretty strong feelings because of the argument earlier.
So I replied, “I kinda agree with Joe. If it offends you so much to contribute, then maybe you should stop coming to these reunions. You can’t not contribute financially and also refuse to help with the preparations and clean up.”
Yikes. Let’s see what happened next.
She didn’t reply but I guess word got around and my mom found out about what I said to her. She said she agrees with me and Joe, but said I should’ve just ignored Sara because this might cause the reunions to stop again.
Relatives are already talking and some of them think Joe and I are vicious.
Was I wrong for that reply? Sara’s family has not been in the best financial situation for years, so I get they cannot chip money in. But we at least expect them to help out with prep work and clean up. Most of us who pitch in stuff help as well, so I don’t know what their problem is.
AITA?
Well, it seems like these younger family members got their answer as to why the adults stopped planning these reunions.
Money and finances can be divisive and can get in the middle of even the best relationships.
And it seems like money has, sadly, divided this family.
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Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.
This person thought that the old rifts were working their way out again – and for good reason.
Because others thought that expecting those who couldn’t contribute financially to contribute somehow was completely reasonable.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman whose family wants her to spend way too much time redoing paintings to make them match.
Meanwhile, this Redditor explained how reunions could work on a relatively cost-free basis.
Sure, it seems like there are some big underlying tensions in this family when it comes to money. Because the truth is, some members of the family have money – and enough money to spare to throw a big family get-together – while for others, finances are tight and splurges like that are out of the question. And it’s clear that for the folks who paid for the reunion that was fine, they didn’t mind those who couldn’t afford to chip in financially not doing so, they just wanted everyone to be able to be together.
But it makes sense that if you’re not contributing financially, that you’d contribute in another way. That only seems fair – and helping to cook or clean up are the obvious ways to do that. Of course, if the less well-off families have a complex about money then this is going to look like they’re second-class citizens in the family, but to most people it would just look like they were keen to help out or conscious to keep the place tidy. And given that plenty of those folk who did pay were helping clean up too, it’s clear that this is a them problem.
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