When a parent loses a spouse, the grief can be overwhelming and impact their entire lives. Even if they are able to move on, things are never the same.

What would you do if your father lost his wife years ago, and now treats you and your mom as if you are second best (or worse) all the time?

That is the situation the young man in this story is in, so he is choosing not to go to his birthday party so he doesn’t have to deal with his dad gushing over his dead wife.

Check it out.

AITA for not being more understanding of my dad and half sister actively mourning their dead wife and mom?

My dad’s first wife died when my half sister (27f) was 7.

He married my mom and had me (17m) when my half sister was 10.

Growing up I remember so many times where things got uncomfortable because my dad and my half sister would make a very big deal about how hard it was without my half sister’s mom around.

Mourning is hard, but they shouldn’t let it ruin the rest of their life.

My half sister couldn’t do a single thing with us as a family without bringing it up and if mom or I had a birthday or a celebration for something she would bring up her mom and use her mom being dead as a reason to never take photos with us or to never spend time with just me or mom.

My dad would also randomly talk about his first wife on his and mom’s anniversary or on my birthday and he’d get super emotional and he’d say he needed to take a walk and stuff.

My parents had a big dinner party to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary and my dad broke into a speech about his first wife and how much he missed and loved her.

My half sister didn’t come to the dinner at all.

Wow, this guy really has no empathy for how what he is saying impacts other people.

My half sister got married last year and she didn’t invite mom or me because it was so hard to imagine us being there when she wanted her mom.

My dad went though and there were these videos posted of dad at the wedding talking about how much he loved his first wife and how life was perfect when she was alive and how his life never got that kind of light back into it.

I know it hurt my mom but she told me it was the life of dating and marrying a widower and that people grieve their lost loved ones all the time.

She told me we wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for my half sister’s mom dying.

I get that and I think it’s fine if this wasn’t a problem that comes up during everything and anything.

Or if it didn’t mean I had a less involved dad and a half sister who basically wants nothing to do with us because her mom died and since I’m not her mom’s kid I’m nothing.

This would be very inappropriate.

Another time more recently my mom and I were alone and I asked her if dad will skip my wedding if I don’t put a photo of his first wife up somewhere and if he’ll insist on talking about her even though she’s nothing to do with me.

Mom told me we just have to take it as it comes. And I didn’t even ask if my half sister would come because I know the answer already.

My dad has a bigger birthday coming up and I decided I won’t go.

The idea of sitting there while he talks endlessly about his first wife and a good bit about my half sister while mom and I might not even get a mention is not something I want to put myself through.

My dad’s side of the family have asked me why and pushed for me to answer more than I did so I told them the truth and where I stood and they got mad at me for my lack of understanding.

They said everyone has the right to mourn lost loved ones. I said they do, but when that overshadows everything else it’s not fun for the people who came after who feel unwanted and unloved.

This dad and sister need to get into therapy right away.

And I have tried to talk to my dad about it before but he changed the subject every time I brought it up.

He wouldn’t tell me why he did that either.

It was like I was saying something totally different. I don’t even try with my half sister because to her I’m not even her half brother, I’m just a kid who isn’t her mom’s kid and yes she did say this.

Dad’s family now think I’m a huge jerk and they keep trying to educate me on empathy when I don’t think I lack that.

I just hate feeling like a mistake and not even like the second best family but it feels like dad regrets mom and me.

And I hate spending every celebration with the cloud of grief and mourning over it. Even if this is dad’s celebration it’ll happen at my next birthday and my graduation if I let it.

But the only way not to let it is for me not to go this time and to not include dad or my half sister in the future.

AITA?

It is completely understandable why she doesn’t want to go to this party after the way she has been treated.

Her family needs therapy, but I doubt they will get it.

Let’s see what the people in the comments think about this.

Yeah, this family has a weird concept of empathy.

I think this commenter is right.

This marriage was a mistake.

Dad is treating him and his new wife unfairly.

This commenter says her dad isn’t over his first wife.

Her father never got over his late wife, and now everyone needs therapy.

Seriously.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.