When a customer comes in the store, you never know what they are going to do or say, so you have to be ready for anything.

The customer service professional in this story was surprised when a customer told her that he was robbing the place, but she remained very calm.

So calm, in fact, that the would-be robber changed his mind.

Let’s see how she did it.

“This is a robbery.”

Some background: I’m a manager in a cash-only business in a city where lots of businesses have transitioned to being cash-less because of theft issues.

We do not have that option.

I think I can guess what type of business this is.

Because of the nature of our store, we see ALL KINDS of people, from grouchy grandmas with hip pain to the guys panhandling for money on the street.

We have a pretty low bar for acceptable behavior, but 100% authority to refuse service to anyone being a jerk because our boss would rather us be treated right than make <$50 off some tourist who thinks they’re in the wild west because they’re allowed to buy something that’s illegal where they live.

Despite that, or maybe because that rule gives us the power to push through bad interactions, we’re known as one of the more lenient shops.

We deal with a lot of people who are in the middle of psychotic episodes and frequently have problematic tourists that think the law doesn’t apply to them. You know the type.

I’m the kind of person that gets incredibly calm in those situations. I will gentle parent you if you’re acting like a child, and if you’re screaming in my face about how I am a lizard person, I will calmly ask clarifying questions to distract you while acting as a sheep dog, slowly guiding you to the exit to get out of my shop.

This sounds like a very effective way to deal with these people.

It works pretty much every time and is way more effective than yelling back.

The last time we had to call the cops on someone getting violent, they didn’t show up for 2 hours.

There’s an alternative service for mental health issues that we would much prefer to use, but we’ve called them on several occasions and the dispatchers answer (IF they answer) and immediately hang up. So, you learn to deal with these things on your own.

That’s all to say that 5 years of this (and another 10 in overall customer service) has drastically affected my fight-or-flight response and general will to live. I’m sure many can relate.

So the other day, I’m sitting at the front to greet people and check IDs. It had been a while since a customer walked in, but then this man entered.

He had a ball cap, messy backpack, and a big baggie jacket with deep pockets.

It was almost 90F outside. He looked like one of the transient street kids we have in the area, so I didn’t think too much of it.

I gave him the standard “Hey! How’s it going?”

Wow, this would be scary.

And he looks at me with dead eyes, hands in his pockets and says flatly, “This is a robbery.”

I know I heard him correctly, but as soon as he said that, The Calm took over my body, and I went into an unexpected defense mode: I played dumb.

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘this is a robbery.'” Same flat tone and expression.

Does this really work?

You can see on the cameras when my primal instincts kick in: my stance shifts and I open up my posture. I call this “poofy kitty” stance. Get bigger, be intimidating (but I’m a 5’5″ average sized woman and this guy was at least 6′)

But my brain is still in calm mode.

Trying to sound as confused as possible, I said, “I’m not really sure what you want me to do about that.”

And he just stared at me for several seconds.

I stared back, genuinely unsure what was about to happen next but mentally preparing to lock myself into this room alone with him and trying not to let that show on my face.

How is that a joke?

And then he broke. “It was a joke. I’m joking. I guess you don’t understand dry humor.”

Excuse me? What??

“Nope, that’s not a joke.”

“It was! You just obviously don’t get dry humor.” He got incredibly flustered and instantly started giving off every classic “nice guy” vibe, repeating himself and emphasizing “dry humor.”

Robbery is a very serious threat.

“Calling it ‘dry humor’ does not make it a joke. You walked into a business and threatened to rob us. It’s 2023 in the US, man, it wouldn’t have been funny before, but you really can’t say that kind of thing these days,” I say, and kindly remind him of the security cameras all over the store.

He started back tracking hard and even gave me his ID when I asked.

While he rifled through his bag, I saw pretty much everything and didn’t notice a weapon, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.

He only wanted some accessory items, and because I didn’t want to escalate the situation any further in case he snapped, I just sold him the stuff and sent him on his way.

She got really lucky.

I still don’t think he was joking. I think he expected to be able to walk into a store with an all female staff and intimidate his way through a robbery, but when I didn’t freak out, he back tracked and got defensive.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just an idiot with zero social awareness. And in his defense, my coworkers DID have a good laugh because, fun fact, my sense of humor is painfully dry and dark, so they thought it was hilarious that he said that to me of all people.

Anyone else deal with people “joking” like this?

That isn’t a funny joke at all. I’m glad she got out of it safely, but this guy should still be reported to the cops.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit say about it.

This happens more than people might expect.

Yup, it really isn’t funny.

This would still be very scary.

Criminals aren’t usually the brightest bunch.

This would be terrifying.

Never joke around about robbing a store.

If you liked that post, check out this post about a woman who tracked down a contractor who tried to vanish without a trace.