Sometimes, things happen in life that really change you.

And when we see that happen to people we care about, it can be difficult – especially if there’s nothing we can do to help.

But the woman in this story has been trying for years to help her sister after she suffered trauma as a teen.

At some point though, she just can’t do any more.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA if I skip my only sister’s cross-country wedding?

I am a 34-year-old woman with a 32-year-old sister.

I am seriously considering not going to her cross-country wedding this summer.

My husband thinks it’s obvious we shouldn’t go, but I’m struggling with indecision.

Let’s see how they’re reaching this conclusion.

Growing up, my sister and I were close. But then, when my she was seventeen, her boyfriend died. It was devastating.

For the next thirteen plus years, she pressured me and our mom to reach out every year on his birthday and death anniversary. During that time, there were constant emotional abuse spirals over text. We were “punching bags”.

When I forgot in 2023 (thirteen years after he died) she guilt-tripped me hard. I sent her a long text explaining I couldn’t keep feeling obligated to text her on these dates every year.

I shared how hard this has been on me all these years. How I felt like I’d lost a sister because grief had taken over her life for so long.

For the first time I spoke up – and she never responded. It stung hard. We didn’t speak for months.

Then, things started to change between them.

Then I got engaged. We slowly started talking again. I decided to look past a lot of stuff and more issues that arose that year.

A year later, I dug deep and asked her to be my maid of honor. I thought maybe things could change. She was honored and said yes.

What did she actually do as my maid of honor? Well, there was no card. No gift. She never offered a speech, and she bailed on getting ready with me, no word. There were weird vibes and friction during all my festivities.

And after pressing my mom about her actions, she told me that flying out to my wedding was “a burden” for my sister. She has her own business and makes six figures.

Yikes! Let’s see what this has done to their relationship.

Now she’s getting married in June and she hasn’t asked me to be in her wedding party. She chose a friend as maid of honor, and she’s excluded me from all general wedding updates/planning.

She hasn’t texted for the past five months, though I did get a couple of thank yous this fall when I sent her a thank-you card with pictures.

Last year we got into an argument. She was ripping into me about how bad it was that I hadn’t sent my formal save the dates yet even though she’d had the date for weeks.

I brought up the text she never responded to… that’s why I waited a few weeks to tell her I was engaged. My fault again.

But she never expected what her sister said in response.

She claimed she had written a response, but her therapist told her not to send it because, “I wouldn’t receive it well”.

So even her silence was my fault.

Then she said. “You don’t get it, just like a cancer patient, they’re the one affected. No one else.” Basically saying her suffering will always matter more than mine.

I just let the conversation end. What’s the point.

Finally, this woman was done with her sister and her choices.

I’ve spent over fifteen years walking on eggshells around her. I’m exhausted.

But I’m terrified of having the bad sister label forever and dealing with family fallout for the rest of my life. I feel like if I don’t go that will hang over me forever. If I go, it’s self-betrayal. I’m deeply disappointed and resentful.

I have kept my distance for the past five months. And yet I’m still weirdly hopeful she’ll change. My husband says this is exactly how toxic family dynamics work. You keep trying and they keep the power.

She did fly out to my wedding even if she complained about it. And she’s my only sister — maybe I should just suck it up and go. Would I be wrong if I didn’t?

AITA?

Sure, her sister has been through some real trauma, and that must be really difficult.

But trying to pin all of that on her family, and expecting so much from them is not the right way to deal with this.

And the way she is treating her older sister really isn’t fair – it’s no wonder she’s considering skipping her wedding.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person thought that whatever her decision, she wouldn’t be in the wrong.

Meanwhile, others gently explained that their relationship is not likely to change.

And this Redditor thought she should go to the wedding for closure if nothing else.

This woman is clearly in a tough spot, given her relationship with her sister is in tatters, through no fault of her own.

She has been trying all these years, but to no avail.

Whether she goes or doesn’t go, this shouldn’t be on her.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.