Toxic households rarely unravel all at once — usually, it’s a slow burn.

So when a 22-year-old caretaker was accused by a toxic family member of being unemployed and forced to apply for random positions, he complied on paper while quietly plotting his escape overseas.

Keep reading for the full tale of malicious compliance.

Want to force me to give out resumes when I already have a job? Fine then.

I (22M) am the primary caretaker of one of my family members.

Among other chronic illnesses, she is a diagnosed narcissist with early dementia.

Despite the toxicity, he’s done his best to care for her, but she hasn’t shown him much kindness in return.

As per my family’s request, I moved in with her and took an online job as a trilingual translator to ensure I would be there 24/7 should she have an emergency.

Somehow, she has interpreted my constant presence as me not having a job, despite me explaining several times that I did, in fact, work.

She quickly crossed several lines.

She went to the point of stealing my ID and debit card, saying she would not be giving them back to me unless I gave out resumes where she told me to.

I searched the whole house and couldn’t find them, so I was forced to comply.

I have a huge amount of respect for people who work in these fields, but I am not taking a job as a cleaner or a cashier when I work in my field of choice.

That’s when I noticed all the places she was forcing me to send out resumes to were requesting a cover letter.

So he decided to make it look like he was complying.

This is where the malicious compliance takes place.

I took an already written cover letter and changed some details so it’d be like I wrote it myself.

I made her read it and approve it as per her request, then added the following sentences in my second paragraph:

But then he would add a much more honest disclaimer.

“If this letter arrives on your desk, please know that this application has been sent without my consent. Already having an online full-time job, please do not take it into consideration.”

As you can imagine, I didn’t get called back much.

The employers seemed very off-put by this.

Only one place sent me an email, and once I explained the situation, their HR team wished me luck with my situation and told me this motivated them to read cover letters more carefully.

So he began bargaining with his boss who was able to help him out.

At the same time, I contacted my boss.

I knew they sometimes open in-office positions, and my boss is one of the nicest people I know, so I contacted her and asked if there was any way I could get the next in-office position, telling her exactly why I was asking that.

I’ve been working there for six months, and she never had any complaints about me, so she sent me a permanent contract starting in January 2025 for their office.

It’s overseas, in a country where I’m legally allowed to work without a work visa.

So he starts making plans to leave, only telling a select few.

My flight is already booked, and only my best friend knows what is going on.

I have a letter already written out where I tell my family not to warn the authorities.

As soon as I land, my bank account will be closed and my phone subscription canceled.

He puts a long-term plan into place.

After five years, I will ask to become a citizen in that country and won’t renew the paperwork necessary to prove my citizenship in my birth country.

I have three younger siblings, all of them are still in middle school.

He makes plans to share this with them when they’re ready.

They have their own email addresses that our parents don’t know about, so I will send them an email telling them this is not their fault and that they’re the only ones in the family who are allowed to contact me.

I’ll also add that I will answer any questions they have once they turn 18.

I’m excited to start a new life.

Sounds like getting away from this toxic situation is for the best.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter has a few more helpful tips.

This family member will likely regret chasing away her most dependable caretaker.

This arrangement could put the siblings in an uncomfortable situation.

It could be helpful to hold on to certain things.

This toxic family member wanted him to prove he had a “real job,” and he ended up securing a real exit.

If you liked that post, check out this post about a woman who tracked down a contractor who tried to vanish without a trace.