Wedding speeches can be annoying at times, but usually they are pretty harmless.

Sometimes, however, someone will give a speech that is not just way too long, but also really awkward and inappropriate.

That is what happened at the wedding in this story, and they think it might just be the worst groomsman speech of all time.

Read through the full story and see what you think.

I was witness to maybe the worst groomsman speech of all time

For a bit of back story:

This often happens with college friends.

The bride and I were in a big group of 10+ friends from college in a small town from a southern state.

Once we graduated we scattered but the bride moved to a big city and met her husband there (he is from said big city).

That must have been scary.

The wedding was delayed twice, once for Covid but a second time when the groom had a crazy medical emergency.

Like, we thought he was going to die type medical emergency. He survived and although recovered well, you could tell he was never fully back to 100%.

It sounds like everyone will have a good time.

But he was a good guy and our friend and him seemed really happy, so without a doubt, when wedding day came, everyone present was very happy the couple had made it.

Wedding day arrives, my friends and wife and I turn it into a big reunion weekend for all of us. A bunch of my friends do some microdose mushrooms.

Everything is perfect, so far.

The venue is in the aforementioned big city is beautiful. The ceremony is beautiful. They say “I do” with no hitches.

The cocktail hour is great, drinks are flowing, everyone has a solid buzz going. The reception comes, we eat and tell old stories from college, then the speeches.

Things are about to take a turn.

Two bridesmaids give speeches, both great. One is a tear-jerker. Then first groomsmen gives a speech, surprisingly, also a tear jerker.

Then the second groomsmen gets up to speak.

I don’t remember his name. I don’t care what it is. We’ll call him Tom.

What is he going to say?

Tom, for frame of reference since overly drunken guests are a theme on here is, from what I could tell, completely sober for this speech. Everything he said and did was within his right mind.

Tom has this big smile on his face, is pacing around the reception hall (probably about 120+ guests here) mic in hand doing some small crowd work.

Nobody likes long speeches.

He then introduces himself as the brother in law to the groom (so married groom’s sister) and says that amongst him and his brothers, they all gave speeches at each other’s weddings.

And that it became a running joke that they tried to 1-up each other by giving the longest speech possible, and well since the groom is now an unofficial brother, Tom is going to keep his stupid tradition alive.

This is starting off weird.

At first I thought “well, this is weird, but everything has been great up until now, how bad could it be?” I was so very wrong.

Tom’s opening joke is basically as follows: “You know, it’s the best man’s job (he was not the best man) to do what the groom can’t.

Things took an awkward turn.

If the groom needs a drink and can’t get one, the best man steps in. If a grandmother needs picking up from the airport and the groom can’t, the best man steps in.

However, it’s also the groom’s job to consummate the wedding on the wedding night, and since he has his medical problems and probably can’t, I’d be more than happy to!”

This is not the time or the place.

You could hear maybe a couple chuckles from the audience, but what was louder was the sucking sound of the collective gasps of the other 100 or so people who didn’t laugh.

Now listen, I’m not a prude. I don’t shy away from a raunchy joke. And maybe, just maybe, if you have the right bride and groom, you can bust out a s** joke at the rehearsal dinner.

How could he think this was ok?

But not at a wedding in front of a hundred or so people. And NOT this crowd. The bride’s family are nice people, but very religious, and did not find this humor funny.

Secondly, you just made a joke about the groom being impotent at the expense of his near death experience when we literally thought he was going to die last year.

Some people have no filter.

Thirdly, Tom’s wife, WHO IS THE GROOM’S SISTER, is sitting in the crowd with their children while Tom is joking about sleeping with his new sister in law. Yikes.

But Tom, ever the jerk, and with a giant grin on his face, forges on.

Where is he going with this?

His second bit, he pulls out a “letter” he says he “found in the groom’s stuff last night”.

It’s not real, Tom wrote this obviously. But the letter is supposedly written by the groom to his future father in law.

This is going to get old quick.

Mind you, this is a handwritten, 2 pages front and back on college-rule sized paper letter. Meaning it took him at least 10-15 minutes to read the entire thing (remember he’s going for broke with his longest speech ever)

In the “letter” the groom says some niceties about the bride and how much he loves her. This is maybe the only redeeming thing in Tom’s entire speech.

What is he going to say?

I asked my friends about what they remembered about the speech and someone said there was a recurring leprechaun s** joke in the letter but I can’t remember what that was fully about.

However, the most memorable part of the letter was how he ended it.

Unbelievable.

Basically the groom tells his future father in law that “he’s so excited to grow old with the bride because I’ve seen what my future mother in law looks like. You know what they say, look at the mom and that’s what she’ll look like when she gets old.

And let me tell you, I’ve spent many nights, alone in the dark, thinking about my mother in law, if you know what I mean” Tom then makes a subtle jerking motion.

Of course the father is upset.

Again, like 5 chuckles, cue a bunch more gasps.

My wife disagrees with me but at this point I remember the father of the bride standing up looking very angry, but his poor wife (the butt of the joke, mind you) pulling him back down into his chair, probably thinking that causing a huge scene will only make this worse.

Everyone was so shocked they didn’t know what to do.

Now the question I’ve gotten a lot when I tell this story is “why didn’t anyone stop him?” And frankly, I have no idea.

It’s like that thing that happens when someone starts choking in the restaurant and everyone is frozen in fear assuming someone else will help so no one does.

I assumed that the wedding DJ or MC or someone would have cut the mic off, but no, we all just continued to sit through Tom’s rambling.

How could the guy not read the room.

What were the bride and groom doing during all this? The Groom continued to look angrier and angrier as the speech went on.

The bride was on the edge of tears most of the time. The first groomsmen literally got up from the wedding party table and sat down somewhere in the crowd as if the say “I don’t know this guy”.

Everyone wants this to stop.

There were a couple people in the back of the crowd who shouted for him to shut up.

Another friend at a different table told me he got up halfway through the speech and hid in the bathroom.

I look over at my poor wife, who was 15 minutes before giggling with her best friend and enjoying her mushrooms, was white knuckling the table just quietly whispering “please stop please stop please stop” over and over.

Will this ever end?

But Tom didn’t stop. This was about Tom’s stupid ego and his brothers’ idiotic tradition. And Tom was going to give us his worst.

At this point, too, pure fear and second hand cringe started to set in and I frankly started to brown out so the exact details of his speech are lost on me.

I asked some friends and my wife what they remember and the highlights (lowlights?) were this:

Let’s see what else he said.

He continues on at one point singing the praises of the aforementioned big city and how it’s the greatest in the world to which he then says something to the effect of “when I picked up so-and-so on the Bride’s side up from the airport I was shocked you guys wore shoes!”

So, insulting half the guests as some country bumpkin simpletons.

He at one point he points out a woman in the crowd and says “don’t ask aunt so-and-so for any marriage advice, she’s on her third divorce!” Cue the woman in the crowd looking very embarrassed.

Does he not realize that this is not going over well?

He then also begins to wax poetic about his mom, rambling for a couple minutes saying his mom is “the strongest woman he knows”.

You know, stuff dudes who are chauvinists but think they’re feminists say? And it’s like DUDE, WHO THE HECK IS YOUR MOM?!? WE DON’T KNOW YOUR MOM.

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WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR MOM. YOUR MOM DID A TERRIBLE JOB. AND GUESS WHAT?!? THIS DAY ISN’T ABOUT YOUR MOM. THIS DAY IS ABOUT THE BRIDE AND YOU ARE MESSING IT UP.

Finally, it is over.

Numbers vary amongst us how long his speech actually ran, but most of us agree it was 25 minutes or so. But god it felt like eternity.

Finally, Tom lands the plane, him the terrorist who hijacked it, and us, the terrified passengers.

People are just glad it is over.

With a raise of his glass, he asks all of us to toast the happy couple, and a few glasses meagerly raise to finally end the horrible spectacle.

People begin filing off to the bar and some to the bathroom, I think many of us trying to process what just happened.

They will never forget this speech.

I remember most people looking like we had just witnessed a murder.

Whatever alcohol and hallucinogens that once gave us a delightful buzz had been sucked out of us, and we all felt stone cold sober in the garish light of the reception hall.

You have to feel bad for the bridal party.

I remember the father of the bride popping up out of his chair shortly after the end of the speech and grabbing Tom by the back of his coat jacket to haul him behind the stage presumably to ask him what the heck possessed him to give that awful speech.

A big group of girls ran to the bride’s aid while she dabbed tears from her eyes.

This must have been fun to see.

Shortly after that, I found myself in the bathroom with a good 20 or so guys peeing at the urinals or in the stalls while we all eavesdropped on Tom and the groom in the middle of the room.

Tom stupidly and with a shocking lack of any insight, repeatedly asking “bro, what did I do? Just tell me what I said that was wrong?”

All the while the groom is washing his hands going “dude, shut up. Just shut up.” Over and over.

Things are finally turning around.

Thankfully, I think most of the people there understood the assignment and did what we could to liven up the party for the poor couple.

There was lots of dancing and drinks and overall good spirits. Lots of people danced with the B&G to do our best to make the night memorable.

Tom is not welcome there anymore.

I remember even Tom dancing with them at one point, granted most of the night he seemed to sit at his families table by himself.

A couple years down the road a good friend of mine hung out one night with the B&G and asked about Tom. Their response was a simple “we haven’t seen Tom in a long time.”

This must have been so uncomfortable for everyone. You really have to feel bad for the bride and groom.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

Here is someone who says they heard a worse speech.

It really was an awful story.

This commenter couldn’t stop reading, though.

Yes, this should be the rule, but it isn’t always that easy.

Things just kept getting worse, though.

What an uncomfortable speech to have to endure, but they had to. Someone should have stepped in to stop him, but that is never easy.

At least they don’t associate with the guy anymore, though.