Co-parenting can be difficult, especially when your ex is not rational about certain aspects of life.

What would you do if your ex insisted that your daughter was lactose intolerant and demanded that you adjust her diet to reflect that, even though you and your new wife (who was a dietician) knew she wasn’t?

That is what happened to the guy in this story, so he told his wife to get their daughter officially tested, and if it came back positive, he would not only follow the dietary restrictions, but also pay for every expense associated with the test. If it were negative, however, he wouldn’t pay a dime. His ex agreed to this and was shocked when it came back negative.

It is obvious that this guy really knows his ex well and was able to play her like a fiddle. Check out the full story below.

Co parent threatened me with child protection report.

Cast: Me, Karen = co-parent, Kid=daughter.

Their setup seems pretty straightforward.

This story takes place a few years after our breakup and settlement of our house. We have had 2 years of 50/50 custody of our daughter, one week on, on week off, hand over is Monday after schools. Which is good as I avoid seeing Karen most weeks.

On one of my weeks, kid comes down with a stomach flu on Thursday (both ends like a volcano). This carried through to Saturday, Sunday she was tired but no symptoms. I kept her home on Monday. (to ensure she is 48 hrs symptom free before sending her to school.)

Kids get sick; it is nobody’s fault.

I dropped kid of at Karen’s informing her she has had a stomach flu, she should be fine for school tomorrow. Without asking any additional questions, she utters a sound I’ve only heard camels make before closing the door…. Rude! But anyway.

Three days go by, I get a call from Karen:

Let’s see how the phone call goes.

Karen “Kid is lactose intolerant. You need to get special milk”

Me “huh, where is this coming from”

Karen “she had ice cream last night and threw up 45 minutes later. I spoke to my hair & beauty teacher who said she must be lactose intolerant”

Getting sick one time does not mean she is lactose intolerant.

Now it’s time to mention my GF at the time (Wife now) is a qualified and practicing dietitian and is listening to this call as I put it on speaker.

Wife “I really don’t think so, lactose intolerance mainly affects the bowels. Kid had gastro last week. The body will often reject dairy foods for 1-2 weeks post gastro if symptoms continue after 3 weeks than its something to look into.”

She went on to explain the body science behind this but I’ll spare you the details.

She might not be a doctor, but neither is Karen’s hair stylist.

My wife said that she can not make formal diagnosis as that requires specific costly tests, but can she refer and treat such conditions. She said its her professional opinion, as these symptoms are sudden and presented around the same time as gastro. It’s gastro related dairy avoidance.

Karen: “Your not a doctor, kid is lactose intolerant and if you don’t comply with the treatment I’ll report you to child protection.”

What kind of testing is this that requires flights and accommodations?

I thought for a second, said “ok. I’ll make you a deal. You get the formal diagnosis, and I’ll fund the full cost of the test. If it comes back negative I’m not paying a cent.” Hearing this my wife smiled.

Karen, “So, I pay for the test and when I get the diagnosis, you will pay me back the full amount?”

Me “ Yup, including flights and accommodation”.

Ahh, they are in Australia. That makes more sense.

Karen agreed to this deal. I text her this for written evidence, she replied with “ok”.

A few weeks go by, Kid tells me “Mummy is taking me to Melbourne for tests, I get to go on a plane, yay”

It is pretty obvious that she is not lactose intolerant.

Its a good time to note, that week kid was having milk with her breakfast, and surprise surprise…. No problems.

Another 4 weeks go by Karen calls me.

Let’s hear the official verdict.

Karen “So, the test results came back negative. The specialist said it was probably as gastro related issues. Nothing that we could of seen coming, but at least now we know. Any way, the flights cost me $600, accommodation was $150, test were $750 so you owe my half which is $900.”

Me “Um firstly, my wife who treats conditions like this said it was gastro related, you refused to listen stating we are not doctors, but apparently your hair and beauty teach is a qualified doctor ay?”

They already agreed on the terms; she can’t back out now.

I go on, “Secondly, $600, $150, $750 equals $1500, half of which is $750, not $900 which brings me to my main point. We agreed that if the test was negative, I wasn’t going to pay a cent. You agreed”.

I hung up, sent her a screen shot of our agreement including the “ok” response.

He knew exactly how this would go down and planned it out perfectly. Well played, sir.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

This commenter thought the story was funny.

How does she think this made any sense at all?

Apparently a lactose test is really simple.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a brother who is upset his parents bought his recovering sister a brand-new car but wouldn’t help him out with a used one.

Some parents are just crazy.

At least she has one smart parent.

He played her perfectly and really made her pay for her stupidity. I hope she learns her lesson, but that seems unlikely.