He Was Straining Under the Weight of an Elderly Neighbor’s Fridge—Then a Bystander Showed Up to Lecture Him on Technique
Canva
Sometimes you come across people who simply get on your nerves. Maybe they’re unbearably loud, or perhaps they’re really messy. Maybe it’s their choices or their mannerisms that bother you, or maybe they’ve done something to you that you cannot get past. Or maybe it’s not really anything about them at all, perhaps they remind you of someone you didn’t like, or maybe it’s just a you problem that you can talk through in therapy.
Or perhaps, as is the case with the person in this story, that person is so determined to stick their nose in everything, giving unhelpful and unsolicited advice where it is not at all necessary, then has a tantrum when you don’t listen to said unhelpful, unsolicited advice. And even worse, maybe that person is your neighbour, and keeps turning up when you’d like nothing more than to ignore them.
Read on to find out more.
How would you deal with a controlling neighbour in a housing co-op?
I live in a housing co-op in the province of Quebec, and there’s an older member who has a habit of interfering in what other people are doing, giving unsolicited instructions, and sometimes raising his voice when people don’t comply.
During a recent volunteer cleanup, another member and I were helping a neighbour move an old fridge when this man interrupted us several times to tell us to do things differently in a bossy way.
We know him, he’s always testing people’s patience and some aren’t having it, and we try to avoid him because he is old so they try to avoid situations that escalate.
But when we didn’t follow his instructions, he shouted at us. We were handling a heavy appliance, so the timing was particularly inappropriate.
This wasn’t the first time this guy has been in the middle of drama.
Other members have had issues with him too. Some eventually shout back, and he seems to adopt the victim role afterward.
I prefer not to engage in that kind of behaviour, but I’m concerned that being respectful is interpreted as weakness.
I’m considering proposing a general code-of-conduct reminder through our co-op’s good-neighbour committee, including clear boundaries around giving orders outside one’s role, yelling at other members, and possible consequences for repeated abusive behaviour.
Our board is currently in a difficult situation, so I’m also wondering how best to approach this constructively.
Read on to find out how she’s feeling about what happened.
I didn’t appreciate the interaction, I came to help that day and as a matter of fact, was helping another elderly person throw away an old fridge that wasn’t even part of the cleaning, but I wonder if from here on I should just stop participating in these gatherings because half of the co-op doesn’t show up and giving time and effort to deal with that kind of nonsense seems stupid.
I tell myself I should’ve put him back in his place, but also think it’s not very classy to yell back at an elder.
When you look at resources for such situations, they seem to consider only elders are victims of abuse but they are sometimes perpetrators and while I feel there are underlying issues that could cause this, I also feel one doesn’t have to deal with this.
How would you handle this? Would you address the person directly, push for a formal code of conduct, or simply disengage?
Honestly, it sounds like a lot of people have the same issue with this guy, so it surely wouldn’t be the case that these folk were blamed if things did escalate.
In the end, this shouldn’t be their problem to deal with.
And this guy has to accept that folk aren’t always interested in his unsolicited advice or behaviour.
Let’s see what folk on Reddit had to say about this.
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
This person thought that they should put their foot down.
While others thought it was best to just ignore him.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a tenant who is getting evicted because they refuse to let their landlord in whenever he wants.
Meanwhile, this Redditor had a better idea.
Sure, the guy is old. But that doesn’t mean he gets to just stand there ordering others around and getting angry when folk don’t do as he says. There’s a difference between respecting an elder and being obedient to them: the former is actually a positive way to treat a fellow adult, whereas the latter is assuming that they have all the power in the situation and you have none. Because let’s not forget who is actually moving the fridge here.
It’s clear that he’s not a good neighbour, and his actions and generally superior attitude are driving the others living in the co-op crazy. And you have to give this person kudos for not yelling at the guy as others have done in the past, because it must be really tempting. Sure, give advice if you really need to, but you can’t get mad when your unsolicited advice isn’t followed. Because if they wanted your opinion, they would’ve asked for it.
Enjoyed this story?
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
