Man Asks if He’s Wrong for Telling His Wife They Can’t Fully Participate in Her Family’s Christmas Traditions
I love celebrating Christmas with my family and we’ve done a lot of the same things every single year: eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve and then watching It’s a Wonderful Life, eating my mom’s famous casserole on Christmas day, etc.
That’s the good stuff!
I’d be pretty annoyed if someone told me I couldn’t participate in my family’s traditions for one reason or another.
So is this guy an a**hole for telling his wife that?
Check out this story and let us know what you think in the comments.
AITA for telling my wife we can’t fully participate in her family Xmas traditions?
“My wife (36F) and I (38M) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (8, 5, & 3). We both work full-time and live fairly comfortably.
I work in sales and have had somewhat of a down year commission wise. At least compared to the last couple years. Coupled with inflation this year and the cost of raising 3 growing kids, our budget has definitely tightened a bit. Nothing serious, we just aren’t saving as much as we have been able to in years past. But also enough of a change to warrant a careful look into our spending, at least in my opinion.
My wife’s family is large (she has 5 siblings and they all have kids). They also LOVE Xmas. They make a huge deal about it. One of their traditions is that each sibling and their family buy a gift for each and every one of the nieces and nephews. We are also expected to buy gifts for each of her siblings and their parents.
They at least say not to spend more than $20 on a gift, but that’s still hundreds of dollars. And let’s be honest, a $20 gift for a kid is going to either be ignored within a month, destroyed, or completely disregarded. In my opinion, I would rather draw names for 1-2 people and get them a gift that is actually thoughtful and worthwhile.
After buying school supplies for our older kids and both of them wanting to participate in fall activities this year, I looked at our budget and saw that we are actually spending more than we have the past few years.
I had a talk with my wife about where we can curb some of our spending. I suggested that maybe we have a talk with her family about their Xmas tradition of buying literally everyone a gift. In my eyes, that’s the easiest way to cut out hundreds of dollars of spending in one swoop.
She took great offense to this and told me that her family has been doing this tradition for years before I came into the family and she’s not going to be the one who tries to stop it. She said that we are just going to have to find ways to cut spending elsewhere.
She told me I was a jerk for even suggesting such a thing when I know how important Xmas is to her family. She suggested we just don’t buy gifts for each other this year instead. But that’s only a fraction of what we are spending on gifts.
When I asked her for other suggestions, she didn’t have any because she likes our quality of life and thinks we are doing fine. I showed her the numbers and she still didn’t think it is that big of a deal. I mean, yes, it’s not like we are going to lose the house, but I don’t think she is taking this as seriously as she should be, especially if I have another down year next year.
I suggested we cut way back on things like Starbucks (she gets it EVERY DAY) and she got p**sed saying that I spend money on golfing. I golfed 3 times this year.
She’s mad because she thinks I am trying to cut spending on things that she cares more about. I just think her family Xmas tradition is the easiest way to cut back.”
And here’s what Reddit users had to say about this.
One person said this guy is NTA and that sometimes you have a bad year.
And this individual said he needs to keep having honest discussions with his wife about money.
Another person said that’s a lot of money to lose and this doesn’t sound like much of a partnership between husband and wife.