Family is tricky for some people, and sometimes no matter how nice or patient a person is, they finally reach the end of their rope.

OP and his wife are child-free (by choice), have good jobs, make solid financial decisions, and therefore have expendable income for travel, hobbies, and the like.

I am 48 years old, married but childfree by choice. It’s something my wife and I agreed on early in our relationship. We both have pretty good jobs and are able to afford many expensive items and activities.

I attribute this to our jobs obviously, but also the fact that we are child free and live in a one bedroom apartment.

I own a manufacturing plant that was given to me from my father. On that property, I store 4 classic cars that I have bought/restored. I have always been a car guy. I plan to buy another car in the next year too.

His sister has not made the best decisions in her life, and has a couple of children, two ex-husbands, and not a lot of extra cash to go around.

I have one sister who is younger than me and never made the best decisions in life. She has a boyfriend who she lives with after getting divorced twice. She’s also in her early 40s. She has 2 kids who already seem smarter than their mom. She makes an okay living but she’s the breadwinner.

Her bf that she lives with spends most of his time stoned and playing Xbox. He’s always “looking for a new job”. Or blaming “the capitalist system” for him not having a job.

Recently, she asked OP if he would pay for her daughter’s singing lessons and he declined (politely, he says).

Her daughter (10) is a very good singer. I don’t have an ear for talent but to me She is very good. My sister has wanted to enroll her in lessons with a private coach but cannot afford it.

She has asked me to help her out since she is embarrassed to ask our parents. She also does not speak to the father of her daughter.

I declined politely until she made a comment about my money and cars, just another “must be nice” comment I’m all too sick of hearing.

He said later that he is not close to his nieces and in fact, has never been able to get to know them at all.

Last bit, I’m sure some of you will make a comment about how I refer to her daughter or my niece. They live in another state and have for the entirety of her life. I don’t see my sister or her kids much at all. I don’t really know her kids too well. I send them birthday and Christmas gifts but I’m not close with them.

His sister’s comments turned snide, at which point OP let loose on her about how her kids aren’t his responsibility, and perhaps her boyfriend needed to be the one to step up this time around.

Here is where I made my asshole comment.

I said “Maybe if your boyfriend can put down the dope for all of 10 minutes he can help you out” and “I have 5 cars I’ll buy another 5 before I give you a dime”.

I said her daughter isn’t my responsibility. She’s got a mother and a father and if they can’t figure it out it doesn’t fall on my shoulders.

OP’s wife thinks they should pay for the lessons but OP wants to hold firm.

My sister called my wife and told her “how mean” I was to her. My wife now wants us to give the money, but I don’t want to. Sure we can afford it but I’m not my sisters welfare.

My sister could have had a stake in the business but she didn’t want to work there. I’ve worked for my dad all my life and learned the business. She never did. She knew she wouldn’t be getting anything with it and she was okay with that.

Who is right on this one? I’m sure Reddit has thoughts!

The top comment points out that this argument seems like a culmination of others, and that we don’t know enough of the whole picture to call OP a jerk.

This person says it seems as if the sister hasn’t taken opportunities to really make things better for herself and her kids.

They say the “must be nice” comment probably pushed him over the edge.

This comment calls is a classic scenario.

And this person wondered how OP could be sure his money was really going to help the niece at all.

This is a tough one, because everyone wants to help out kiddos, I think.

That said, it’s definitely no one’s responsibility, other than their parents, to fund their extracurriculars.