She Refused To Let Her Daughter’s Half-Sister Spend Christmas With Her Family. Was She Being Selfish?
by Trisha Leigh
Marriage is hard, divorce is hard, re-marriages are rough on everyone, and blending new families comes with its own challenges, too.
If you want to get married and have children, then you’d better be prepared to deal with at least some of those things – though I would venture a guess most people don’t have to handle the conversation OP found herself in here.
She and her ex-husband have been divorced for some time and share a daughter. He is re-married and has a daughter with his second wife, too. The girls are close, with the younger idolizing the elder.
My ex husband and I got divorced 7 years ago. We share custody of our 13 year old daughter. He got married and has a 5 year old daughter with his now wife.
His daughter would spend time with my daughter regularly. They adore each other but she doesn’t come to my house and they rarely meet up there.
Sadly, his new wife has been diagnosed with cancer and is receiving treatment. For that reason, her ex asked that she take the younger girl for Christmas so that the girls could be together.
His reasoning was that they would not be able to do Christmas at his house, though it’s unclear whether that’s because of treatment or money or both.
His wife has been diagnosed with cancer and has started treatment recently. The other day he came to drop our daughter off and asked to speak to me. He talked about his wife’s circumstances then how his family won’t be able to have a christmas celebration this year.
He said it wasn’t fair for his daughter and asked if I could “include” her in my family’s celebration. He pointed out how the girls will have a great time together bonding and making memories,
OP told him that she wouldn’t be comfortable, and even when he pushed back and neared tears, she held her ground.
I said I was sorry but my family’s traditional celebration is a sacred thing and I do not feel comfortable including anyone else. Plus it’d be awkward having her in my home. He said that his daughter may not be family to me but she sure is to her halfsister. He asked me to stop and “think” about what’s best for the kids here.
I suggested he take his daughter to spend christmas with her grandparents (he said his parents and him are NC) and tried to cut the conversation short but he stopped me and started going on about how cruel it was for me to decline to include his daughter who’s already having a hard time adjusting.
I saw that he was beginning to cry so I stepped back and said I was no longer feeling comfortable having this conversation.
I asked him to leave and he did but still texted me asking me to agree to let his daughter come spend christmas even offered that he stays away if that’ll make me less uncomfortable, I said no and now he’s calling me selfish and unfeeling.
In an edit, she stated that she spends the holidays with extended family, none of whom know the younger half-sister either and who stated they wouldn’t be comfortable, too.
A point worth mentioning here and that is my family are going to attend and they said that they too will not feel comfortable in this situation thus I said it’d be awkward.
Should OP have softened because there’s a child involved? Let’s find out what Reddit has to say!
The top comment wonders why spending the holiday with strangers would be preferable to spending it with her sick mother, even if it looked a bit different.
This person thinks the ex is being more deliberately manipulative.
While others were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, given the situation.
Some people, like this commenter, did think OP was a little unfeeling.
And this comment suggested that the spirit of Christmas would seem to warrant inclusion and not the opposite.
I kind of feel like OP was being a bit rigid on this one.
We’re talking about a child, not a leper, and even if it was the latter, I’m pretty sure we know what Jesus would want her to do.