She Cancelled A Family Vacation After Newly Widowed Mom Decided To Bring Her Boyfriend. Was She Wrong?
No would would argue that watching a parent move on romantically after death or divorce is an easy thing – and when you don’t like the new partner, things can get awkward fast.
OP’s parents were on the verge of a divorce when her father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Her mother put aside her own feelings and took care of him through the end of his life.
My dad lost his 1.5 year battle with cancer one year ago (April 2022) at only 62 yrs old. He and my mom were married for 31 years. The few months before my dad got sick he and my mom were not on great terms and were contemplating divorce.
However, through my dad’s diagnosis and extreme ups and downs of treatment, they came together, squashed some of their issues and my mom was there to care for my dad every step of the way.
I miss him every day. Me and my mom had always been pretty close but since my dad died I feel like I’m seeing and talking to her less and less these days and it makes me sad.
A year later she’s moved on with someone new, and OP predictably hates him.
In August of 2022 (4 months after my Dad passed) my mom started seeing someone. She’d call him her “friend”, slip in mentions of him in conversation but I personally wanted NOTHING to do with him. (Still don’t.) I thought it was TOO SOON and told her so.
Everyone grieves differently and dating after losing a spouse is hard but conversations I’ve attempted with this guy and the chemistry between them has been super awkward IMO.
I feel like she’s disregarding any feelings or push-back that me, my sister and extended family have about this relationship. (large extended family, all very close-knit).
She claims that every time he is at a family function it makes things awkward and that no one likes him or wants him around.
She has now starting bringing him to events and parties and there is an awkward vibe when he’s around. Nobody wants to say it outloud. This past week, he showed up unexpectedly at our family Easter party (at my parents house).
My mom knew he was coming and did not mention to anyone. Following tradition – we stood in prayer before we ate dinner and my uncle prayed out loud for those who we have lost and I felt SO awkward that my mom’s boyfriend was there, holding hands with my family as we talked about my Dad, in my Dad’s house, almost only a year to the day that he died.
Recently, her mother announced he would be joining them on a family vacation, at which point OP thought about canceling the trip.
We’re now booking flights for a large family vacation in June (condo has already been booked for MONTHS) and my mom casually mentioned at Easter that she’s bringing her boyfriend. I didn’t hear this at the time and found out later from a cousin. I immediately called and told her my feelings about him going (I don’t want him to) and she completely changed the subject and did not acknowledge what I told her at all.
Not to mention, we had decided to leave a day early to save money on flights, but now that her boyfriend is going, it will actually cost me MORE because we will no longer be splitting the costs that we originally planned since they will be doing things separately.
Money is not the problem though. It’s now principle to me. Of the 20 family members that will be on this trip, not one person really wants him to be there, except her. He WILL be staying in the same condo and we are going to have to tip-toe around this awkward situation for an entire week while we should be relaxing and enjoying family time together.
AITA for wanting to cancel on the family vacation and/or stick to my guns about not wanting her boyfriend to go even though she already booked his flight?
Would she be the jerk if she did? Should she stand her ground?
Reddit is going to let her know!
The top comment says it really doesn’t matter whether or not OP likes the new boyfriend at all.
They say OP probably isn’t being honest with herself about her parents’ relationship to begin with.
This person says OP should be thanking her mother for saving her from having to care for her father, and leave her alone to live her life now.
This comment is a reminder that everyone grieves differently.
This one person seemed to be fully on OP’s side.
Just as an interesting aside, she updated that her mother and the man had broken up, and that he had been revealed to be a bit of a jerk, so I’m sure she feels vindicated.
***UPDATE*** I had a conversation with my mom and told her that I just wanted her to be happy and that if I upset her, I truly did not mean to. I explained to her that it might just take me a little while longer to get used to it but I told her I’d use the vacation as a “get to know him” time.
After the whole conversation, all was good and we were in a good place. My mom had already bought his plane ticket and everything was set. And then TWO weeks later, he told my mom that she was “too wild” for him and said that he wanted to end their relationship. He said that he didn’t like that she went out as much as she did (the only people she ever “goes out” with are people in our family, sisters, cousins, etc.) and that he didn’t want to be with her anymore.
They broke up and my mom says that he was being an a$$hole to her after the fact.
On the one hand, I don’t think the comments were wrong as far as her allowing her mother to live the life she wants at this point.
That said, there is obviously something to be said for trusting one’s gut as well.