‘I asked where the baby was.’ Woman Sees Red After Her Husband Applies Double Standard In Parenting
by Trisha Leigh
It’s no secret that couples everywhere are confronting the double standards that are rife in relationships and parenting these days, and trying to correct the fact that women generally do a lot more of the emotional and physical labor required to make families run.
OP was confronted with an unfortunate example in her own home when her husband came home one day and took her to task for letting their 8yo be in charge of their baby for a few minutes while she cleaned up.
A week ago I asked my daughter (8) to quickly watch her brother (10 months) while I picked up some things from the floor that I had been working on during his nap. She rarely gets asked to watch him as I feel that he is my job not hers.
Hubby came home and saw that she was watching baby and went off on me about how I was irresponsible, accidents happen quickly and she wouldn’t know what to do in a choking event.
She saw the validity of his argument, as incidents like choking can happen in the blink of an eye, and changed her behavior.
These are all reasonable fears so I made the neccisary changes to ensure I am there to watch him at all times.
At least, she did until a few days later, when he was supposed to have an eye on the kids but let their 8yo take the baby to her room.
Today (Sunday) I asked him to watch baby as I started baking a large order. I came in to the room and noticed he was alone watching Tv. I asked him where baby was and he replied that our daughter was watching him in her bedroom.
Her bedroom is on the opposite side of the house, and with the tv blaring you could definitely NOT hear what was going on in her room.
When OP confronted him he said this was different because their daughter wanted to watch him.
I pointed out to him how he yelled at me last week for the same thing and he replied “That was different”
When asked how, he replied “she wants to look after him, she came to ask me if she could”
OP doesn’t see why that should matter, but her husband is doubling down.
I was so mad. I didn’t leave them alone for prolonged periods of time, I was litterally in and out of the room during all of that time as I was cleaning up, but that was neglectful and dangerous because I asked her to watch baby.
While at the same time it is perfectly ok for her to be left, completely alone, rooms away, with the tv on, because she asked to watch him so somehow that would mean that she pays closer attention to him?
Like accidents don’t happen when you choose to look after a baby?
That makes her wonder whether or not she’s crazy.
He is now mad at me, saying I am overreacting and that I am still in the wrong while he is not.
I accept that I was wrong in asking her to watch him, but am I wrong for being mad about the double standards???
Reddit’s here to dispel that notion, I assume.
The top comment says OP knew exactly what she heard, and it’s not ok.
Not only that, but they don’t think OP was out of line asking the 8yo to watch the baby while she picked up, either.
This person agrees that 8 is old enough for a short-term assignment.
They say her husband is definitely TA.
And this commenter says it’s not just a double standard but blatant misogyny.
I hate reading posts like this.
I hope she took all of the Reddit support to heart.