Woman Wonders If She Was Wrong To Throw Her Sister-In-Law Out During A Vacation After Her Horrible Comment
by Trisha Leigh
Family dynamics can be hard to parse as an outsider, but I think that respecting another person’s relationship choices seems to be a good place to start.
OP stays home and raises her kids while her husband works. Since her brother got married his wife has made snide comments about her staying home and not working, but until now, OP has been able to brush them off.
I (29F) have a half brother, James (37). James is married to Lindsay (35) and they have two kids, 4f and 2m. I invited James, Lindsay and the kids to visit me this past week, and they were meant to stay until next friday.
Lindsay and I have always got on fine, except for the fact that she’s always had a weird attitude to me being a SAHW/M. She always asks me if I’m going to ask my husband before making non-essential purchases, or asks me if I feel bad relaxing while he’s working, or suggests I do things for him as a ‘thank you’ to him since I’m apparently not doing anything else.
I know that James and Lindsay are big on splitting costs and while he pays for everything for both kids he won’t pay for Lindsay, despite making about 25x her salary.
Being that that’s the relationship they’re happy with, I just roll with the comments because my marriage must look weird to Lindsay.
When her brothers family was visiting recently this bubbled over, though, with one single – but appalling – remark.
However, there is a line. A few days ago we were sitting on our rootftop drinking wine after the kids went to bed. Lindsay was admiring the view and made a comment about how much our apartment cost (James must have told her), and asked if my name was on the deed.
She then said ‘half of (X amount) penthouse just for lying on your back? *** work is way more lucrative than I thought’.
Everyone jumped on her but OP couldn’t let it go and asked her to leave. She apologized the next morning but OP found it disingenuous and still wanted her space.
Both my husband and James laid into her for the comment, I was obviously furious and told Lindsay first thing in the morning she had to get out, she wasn’t staying here after speaking to me like that, especially when she wasn’t even apologetic. I felt bad for ruining James and the kids’ trip but both my husband and I were too angry to have Lindsay there.
The next morning, Lindsay asked if she could stay. She said James wasn’t willing to end the trip early and wanted to stay but she couldn’t afford to stay in a local hotel. She blamed her comment on the wine but her apology/explanation seemed so insincere and was clearly based on having no choice.
I told her this and said even if she did mean it, I just needed some space from her and didn’t want her around after what she said because when put on top of what she’s been saying for years, it’s obvious that’s what she thinks.
Her brother and his wife discussed her staying in a hotel but in the end, she went home and they stayed.
James then said he wasn’t paying for her hotel because it was her own actions that got her kicked out, and she would have to fly home early and he’d fly back with the kids as planned, which is what happened.
Some family members don’t think OP should have separated the family, while others think she should have just played nice for the remainder of the trip.
Lindsay has since laid into me over text and social media for forcing her to go home early without her kids. Both my mother and James’s have said I was wrong for kicking Lindsay out.
James’s mother said I should have just let her stay for James’s sake and not invited them back.
My mother says I should have kicked all of them out because now Lindsay has to be away from her kids.
I don’t think I’m the AH for kicking out the person who made the comment but not the person who defended me and innocent kids.
Did i handle it like an AH?
How does Reddit think they should have handled it? Let’s find out!
The top comment says good riddance to bad rubbish.
This person thinks her brother was a stand-up guy here, too.
They suspect the SIL probably bad-mouths OP at home, too.
Other people aren’t so sure the brother is an angel, though.
But the bottom line is that OP was definitely not in the wrong here.
This is a pretty horrible thing to say to someone.
I hope OP manages to forget it in time.