Losing a parent is one of the hardest things that can happen to someone in this world.

But one of the only things that can make it harder is watching your other parent move on before you’ve had a chance to grieve.

This user’s story is a perfect example of that, and is only made worse on her and her siblings by her Father’s complete disregard for their grief as he readies to marry his new fiancé!

Was she in the wrong to ask her Dad to see things from her perspective before his wedding? See for yourself!

AITA for asking my dad to think of our grief of our mum when planning his wedding to new fiancé?

Two years ago my mum died from cancer. She was very young, in her late 50s. My parents were married and happy, of course it was so hard for all us.

In under a year he met a new woman and then months later announce they’re engaged. It’s a short engagement, about 8-9 months from getting engaged till the actual wedding.

I do understand a lot of people (seemingly more widowed men from stories l’ve others have told me) find someone very quickly and often are remarried before a year even, so l’m trying not to be naive here.

And the age of the new fiancé only made things more…. difficult.

For my siblings and l, it has been a little strange as we are still processing the death of our mother but also the fact that his new fiancé is only a few years older than me and my sister.

We’ve tried our best to make an effort to be happy for him and be welcoming to her, all while processing our grief.

My issue is that he so wrapped up with his new fiancé that he’s forgotten we are still grieving.

So much so to the point that on the 2 year anniversary of our mum’s death, 3 of us got their wedding invite in the post while the others received it the day after.

It hurt all of us that they didn’t think about this date in the days/week leading up to it, but I decided to leave it as I didn’t want to taint their joy.

The dad’s insensitivity was only more brazen when he invited his late wife’s parents to the wedding.

 After having no contact since Mom’s funeral, he sent a message to my grandma (my Mum’s mum) the day after the anniversary asking for their address so he could send them an invite to a wedding.

He didn’t ask how they were at this time, how they were coping with loss of their daughter, or even whether they’d be ok with an invite.

The only thing he said is they were being invited and he needed their address.

My dear grandma said she’d like to attend for our sake, though my grandad refused point blank and was too upset to talk further.

But when OP and her siblings were added to a group chat for his fiancé’s bachelorette party, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

A month later me and my sisters were added to the hen do WhatsApp group with his fiancé’s friends all now chatting excitedly and planning the hen.

For us, that was another pang of heartache, as we were only in this position because our mum had (pretty recently) died.

Here’s where l’m wondering if AITA…

I sent my Dad a message to say I’m happy for him but feel they’ve not thought about our grief and would’ve liked to be asked first before being added to a hen group.

But most importantly asked him to remember certain dates, i.e. the anniversary, and not send wedding invites in the days/week before this time.

Unfortunately, the request for sensitivity did not get the response OP was hoping for.

He replied saying “Sorry l’m not being thoughtful enough. I’ll make sure to check with you beforehand”.

I said I don’t want him to run everything by me, just remember that we’re grieving.

Then he blamed the post and said that it wasn’t their fault it arrived on the day of the anniversary. Now I think he’s avoiding me.

So, AITA for putting a dampener on their wedding by highlighting our grief?

It’s hard not to feel for OP here. Having a widowed parent remarry is hard enough, but feeling like your lost parent is being forgotten about is a whole different level of hurt.

While her Dad is more than entitled to live his life and process his grief however he can, that doesn’t mean his kids’ grief falls by the wayside.

Reddit felt deeply for OP, with this user saying her response was completely understandable considering the whirlwind of changes she had been through.

Many said OP had already been way more understanding than they themselves would have been.

And this user thought there was a way for OP to make space for her Father’s new relationship and her own emotional needs.

This commenter offered the insightful advice to try reaching out to her Dad’s fiancé.

Reaching out to his fiancé really seems like OP’s only shot, because it doesn’t sound like she’s getting through to her Dad any time soon.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.