There tends to be an unspoken social code of conduct for gift giving, especially with people we’ve been close to.

As you’ll read in this post, some people don’t think the code always applies to former stepchildren, but other family members do.

Then drama ensues.

Here’s how it went down.

AITA for not getting my “stepdaughter” a present?

I (F40) got married to my ex-husband, James (M43), three years ago. He had a daughter, Annabel (F13) from a previous marriage.

For background purposes, Annabel has next to no contact with her bio mother. She left when Annabel was two, and apart from the occasional birthday card, there’s no contact there.

We tend to want these relationships to last forever.

I’ve known Annabel since she was nine, and we had a good relationship, especially in the absence of a maternal figure in her life.

I never had children of my own and never intended to, but was surprised that I was fine with being in a relationship with someone with a child.

It’s unfortunate when things turn bad as you only have so many close relationships in life.

James, Annabel, and I lived together for four years in what you could consider the “normal” nuclear family.

However, my relationship with James just got more and more strained. Annabel could tell and she became more withdrawn.

Eventually, I told James I was leaving because I wasn’t happy in the house or the relationship.

He was livid, swearing and shouting, saying that he didn’t want to see me again.

I left and went to live with my sister until I found somewhere of my own.

I would be very surprised!

Last week, I received an angry call from James saying how selfish and immature I’d been my not getting Annabel a birthday present.

Perfectly appropriate and understandable, one would think.

I knew it was her birthday but decided not to and haven’t tried to maintain a relationship with her because of the tension with James.

It’s very sad, but that doesn’t mean your ex-partner owes it to her.

James said how upset she was and that he couldn’t believe I put relationship issues over a 13 year old girl, who I knew didn’t have a mother.

I told him he was being ridiculous and that if he wanted to cut me out of his life completely, that includes his daughter.

So get another partner and have a healthy relationship.

He said I was an ******* and a small gift or card would have meant the world to Annabel, before hanging up the phone.

A nice gesture. I wonder why Annabel didn’t respond.

I sent Annabel a happy birthday text (the day after her birthday as the call was late), but she hasn’t responded.

AITA?

Let’s see what people in the comments had to say.

No matter what, the kid loses out. It’s unfortunate.

A number of commenters felt the anger was calculated. I agree.

I like this approach. It’s important to minimize the impact on the child, who may already have abandonment issues from her parents breaking up.

A lot of people pointed out that it’s a blessing for her to be out of this toxic relationship.

I agree, but her ex seems volatile and this could actually be dangerous.

It was great to see so many people considering the child’s feelings and advocating self-respect!

That said, the poster also deserves to be safe and happy.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.