Ouch…this stings…

Because most of us have been in a situation where we thought we were good friends with someone and BAM, one day we got hit in the face with the reality that we’re only considered acquaintances at best.

When that happens, we’re under absolutely no obligation whatsoever to help those people out.

That’s what this guy did, but now he wants to know if he might’ve gone too far.

Read on to get all the details…

AITA for refusing to help a friend who didn’t invite me to their wedding?

“For about 11 years now, I’ve (37M) been pretty close with [let’s call him] John (38M).

We met at a job in my mid 20s and were pretty regular company up until the pandemic, where our hanging out (including a circle of mutual friends) has taken a decline but isn’t extinct.

John and his partner [let’s call her] Jane (36F) have been together for about 8 years now, engaged for a little under 2 years, both with a child from previous relationships, so they have taken trips with their kids near-yearly.

I’ve been happy to help visit John’s (now their) home and check on things, take care of their animals, etc while they’re gone.

Sounds like they’re pretty good friends.

I’ve helped them out with other projects/tasks over the years and most recently picked up Jane from the airport returning from a work-trip and got her home this past winter during a snowstorm because my vehicle could handle it.

Generally, I have been present and helpful on top of our base friendship.

But…

About 5 weeks ago, I find out from a mutual friend their wedding is coming up, and invites went out a while ago, everyone in our circle but me invited.

As a gay guy, I’ve experienced being iced-out of some of my straight friends’ lives and events in ways minor and pronounced, but this one has definitely been something that has had me thinking about my time and energy with people.

I decided I would take the hint and begin to distance myself.

Nope!

Three days ago, John texts me asking if I am around in early-to-mid August.

I say I am.

John asks if I wouldn’t mind visiting like I have before to look after the animals and property, I said “sorry, I can’t.”

He calls to talk about it. We run through the same conversation, polite but a bit tense, so I finally say “I just won’t be visiting your home.”

After a moment of silence, I bring up that I’m disappointed that I appear to be the only person in our group of friends not invited to his wedding, and that I can’t be helping like I have before if I’m just a background friend at this point.

I wrap up the call positively and sincerely with me wishing them a good wedding and trip, and that maybe we can grab drinks soon.

Jane reaches out two days ago sending follow up texts saying John is upset about what I said and with her because she made the final calls about friend invites, and that I am taking this the wrong way, there is only so much capacity and that the others in our friend group have partners that took up space.

I don’t think so!

She adds that she hopes I’ll change my mind and help out them out because it would put John’s mind at ease.

I’m not entitled to the company of others or invitations to anybody’s events, but am I wrong for setting my own boundaries in response to theirs?

I try not to frame my friendships as transactional, but they obviously want something out of me here despite their not inviting me and then avoiding even bringing it up with me until they needed help with covering their honeymoon.”

Here’s what people had to say on Reddit.

This reader said he’s NTA.

Another individual shared their thoughts.

This person said he’s NTA.

Another Reddit user chimed in.

And this individual said he didn’t do anything wrong.

Sorry, dude…

Not gonna happen!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.