Hard work has a different meaning for everybody, and that can cause conflicts in a relationship when the partners don’t agree on what constitutes a full schedule.

That’s the scenario in this story from Reddit, that finds a girlfriend asking if she’s being too hard on her boyfriend – or if he needs to step up.

You’ll have to read the details to make a decision for yourself!

AITA for telling my nurse boyfriend that adults work full time?

I (26F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together 4 years and we met working direct patient care jobs in the medical field.

Though they are in the same field, they have very different responsibilities.

A couple years after we started dating he finally got his associates in nursing (RN) so he could work as a nurse, which he did full time for a year.

In the meantime, I started grad school and worked full time as a Chemist while working on my masters until going back to school full time as a PhD candidate (with a cost of living stipend) and working 45-60 hours a week between TAing, coursework, and lab research.

Last year, he decided he wanted to focus on online school more so that he could complete his Bachelor’s degree in nursing, so he cut his hours back to two 12 hour days/week.

She’s disappointed that he doesn’t want to pack his schedule in the same way she does hers.

I fully support this, because I understand from experience how difficult working full time and being a student is.

However, he is about to finish his final class before completing his BSN, and wants to remain part time so he has more time off.

I really don’t like this, because he has been struggling to pay his part of the bills while working part time since I am not making any more than him.

I don’t think that working 3 days/ week, even 12 hour shifts, is too much to take time to see family and friends, especially with PTO, since he already has much more time off than me.

It sounds like there is a lot of comparison, and maybe some jealousy, going on here.

He also has a lot of debt or pay off so I worry about him making excuses to not work.

I told him “real adults work full time jobs, welcome to the real world”, and he told me I don’t know what it’s like to work and be a student, even though I did do that full time for a year before going for my PhD. He got very upset and stormed off.

Was I too harsh?

AITA?

It sounds like both people might be culpable here, so let’s let Reddit weigh in for a decision.

Top comment is confused, since it sounds like he is basically putting in a full-time schedule.

Another says that their idea of a full day may be different, but as long as he’s covering his share, she should let him be.

Using the amount of hours one works as a definitive decision on their adulthood isn’t cool, says this commenter.

Meeting your responsibilities is what actually matters, not what you do in your “free” time.

Lastly, one commenter wants to know if she even likes her boyfriend?

Maybe the real lesson here is adults treat their peers like adults, too!

Or don’t date people you don’t like.

If you liked that post, check out this post about a woman who tracked down a contractor who tried to vanish without a trace.