One Daughter Lives Nearby And Another Lives Far Away, But The Distant Daughter Thinks Her Mother Needs To Visit More Often
by Jayne Elliott
When you don’t live near someone, you obviously see them less often than the people who are close by and easy to visit.
This seems obvious, but in today’s story, one sister seems jealous that her mom is spending more time with her other sister.
The other sister lives down the street, while the jealous sister lives far away.
What is the mom to do?
Let’s hear her side of the story…
AITAH for asking my daughter what she expected would happen when she started a family across the country?
I have 2 daughters: Emma (28) & Lizzie (25).
Emma went to college across the country and upon graduating, got a job and stayed there.
She’s now married with a 2 year old son.
I did a lot of the “mother of the bride” stuff via FaceTime, as due to my work schedule and financials, I couldn’t fly out there for everything.
So, for example, I FaceTimed into the dress shopping.
I did fly down 2 weeks prior to the wedding to help get everything ready.
When Emma was pregnant, I kept talking to her friends planning it, asking them to tell me when it was, so I could take enough time off work.
Emma ended up changing the date and there was no way I could afford to fly out on top of taking time off, especially to be there after the baby was born (as Emma wanted).
So, once again, FaceTime to the rescue.
I flew in and was there for her induction and stayed 2 weeks after.
Emma and her mom have a pretty good relationship even though they don’t live near each other.
I have flown out to visit 4 times since, Emma has came to me 3 times.
I do talk to Emma on the phone at least once a day, I FaceTime my grandbaby, etc.
I am not physically present, but I want to be emotionally present as possible.
Emma and I discuss everything and she often says she’s glad we still have a close relationship.
She spends even more time with Lizzie than Emma.
Lizzie went to a state school and moved back to our town after graduating.
Therefore, I was able to physically be there for all of the big wedding moments, along with her pregnancy.
I was at her baby shower.
As she now lives down the street, I see her, her husband, and their now 1 year old daughter at least 4-5 days a week.
I watch the baby so they can go on date nights.
We are very close.
When Emma came to visit, she thought the visit went really well.
Emma and her family flew out for Lizzie’s daughter’s birthday.
I watched both kids so their parents could have separate date nights.
I got to do more for my grandson, which I loved.
I took him on outings just us.
I got to spend some one on one time with Emma too.
I thought it was a really nice visit.
However, after returning home, Emma didn’t reach out nor respond to my attempts at contact for 2 weeks.
It turns out Emma isn’t exactly happy with her mom.
When she finally did, I asked her if everything was alright.
She said that being back in town made her realize just how much I do for Lizzie and her husband.
She said that I am way more active, that I don’t visit her enough, etc.
I reminded her that I don’t have the money nor the time off to fly out often.
I wish more than anything I did. I miss her and my grandson.
Emma told me that I clearly have a favorite grandchild and I should spend more time with him.
I kept trying to find ways I could do more from a distance, but she kept rebuffing them and saying the only way to make it better would be to visit more.
She asked her daughter “what she expected.”
I finally asked what she expected to happen when she decided to start a family cross country.
I am so proud of her and all she’s accomplished.
I supported the move.
But, she also is aware of my situation.
It’d be one thing to say “hey, it sucks we can’t see each other more!”
But she can’t move far away and expect everyone to come to her, when they financially can’t.
Emma’s dad is on Emma’s side.
Emma and I ended the call.
I have since tried to talk to her, check on her mental health, etc.
She refuses to talk about anything deeper than her day to day and the little one.
She told her father (my ex), who lives closer to her.
He called me to say that I was wrong to tell her this, and that I should’ve just let her keep laying into me.
AITA?
It probably didn’t make Emma feel any better to have her mom point out the obvious, that she spends less time with Emma than she would if she lived closer.
Let’s see how Reddit reacted…
This reader thinks the ex should mind his own business.
Another reader calls Emma “irrational.”
Here’s the perspective of someone who also moved away from home…
This reader is on her side.
Another person points out how expensive plane tickets are.
Emma was the one who moved, so really it’s on her to visit more often.
I’m sure it’s tough, though.
If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.
Categories: STORIES
Tags: · aita, baby shower, grandchildren, grandmother, mother and daughter, picture, reddit, top, wedding
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.