Things can get complicated pretty quickly when you’re trying to balance your own space and relationship while caring for a loved one.

So, what do you do if your partner wanted their ailing parent to stay in your home long-term, but it’s affected your relationship and ability to feel comfortable in your own space?

Would you go along with it for the sake of peace?

Or would you demand the parent live somewhere else?

In today’s story, one couple finds themselves in this very situation and can’t seem to agree on a solution.

Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for telling my boyfriend his mother needs to move out

So I (39f) have been dating my boyfriend for around six years, and we live together.

A couple of years ago, my boyfriend’s mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

She was living in an assisted living facility for most of that time, but as she’s gotten worse, she’s needed more care.

She was living a couple of states away and wanted to stay there, and my boyfriend and I couldn’t relocate to be closer to her because of our jobs.

After a visit, they decided to move her closer.

A couple months ago we went to visit her and discovered the facility she had been in wasn’t taking proper care of her.

So, we took time off work to move her out and try to find a better facility for her to stay in.

We came to the mutual decision it would be best to move her to one closer.

We wanted to make sure we moved her into the right place, so we agreed she would stay at our apartment with us for a short period of time until we found it.

The plan was to find her a new care facility near their home.

I manage a few senior communities, so I told him I would be able to see the signs of which places were good or not and talk to the people I work with to find the best choice.

It’s been about two months since she’s been staying with us, and it’s been hard.

We have very little free time together now, and we’ve had to hire 24/7 home health care for her, which means another person in our apartment.

To be clear- money is not an issue in this at all.

About a week ago, I brought up the topic of moving her into a memory care facility to him, and he almost immediately said no.

Here’s where they disagree.

I know a large part of it is he wants to spend as much time with his mother as possible, especially after being away from her for so long.

I tried to explain to him that there’s a good facility a couple of miles away from where we live, but he’s not having it.

I told him I missed being able to relax and have our own space at our apartment, and he responded that I was selfish.

Yesterday, I decided to take a tour of the facility by myself, and when I told him, he became upset and hasn’t spoken to me since.

I know a part of me is selfish for this, but I also know it would be much easier on all of us, including his mother, if she was staying somewhere specifically dedicated to giving her the care she needs.

AITA?

This is a tough situation because it’s easy to see both of their sides.

Let’s see what advice the readers over at Reddit had to offer.

Here’s advice from someone who’s been in the same situation.

This person just has questions.

Great advice.

This person thinks she may need to move out.

They need to have a serious conversation.

There was an agreement in place, so they need to renegotiate and see where they both stand.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.