When is “helping” not really helping?

A wife is at her wits’ end with her husband’s disastrous attempts to “help” with household chores.

Sometimes, they think that pretending to help can get them out of the real work later on.

This wife might be falling for it as she’s told him to stop altogether, sparking a marital stand-off.

Check it out and decide for yourself.

AITA for telling my husband I’m done with his “help” around the house?

My husband (34M) and I (31F) have been together for eight years and married for five.

We both work full-time, so we’ve always split household chores.

But here’s the thing: his version of “helping” is a nightmare.

For example, I’ll ask him to “help” with laundry.

He’ll agree, but instead of sorting things like delicates or checking pockets, he just throws everything into the washer on one setting.

This has ruined clothes and stained things beyond repair.

Same thing happens in the kitchen.

He “helps” by making a mess while cooking, but he leaves everything piled up in the sink, and somehow manages to dirty every dish and pan.

Helping, or speedrunning how fast he can create more work for you?

I’ve tried teaching him, suggesting easier ways, even leaving little checklists, but he always says he “knows what he’s doing” and dismisses my advice.

I end up spending double the time either fixing what he did or doing things over from scratch.

And whenever I bring it up, he says he’s “trying his best” or accuses me of being too picky and controlling.

This came to a head recently when he “helped” me by cleaning up our living room right before my friends came over.

I thought he’d done a great job—until one of my friends found my birth control pills in the junk drawer because he decided to “tidy” by throwing everything into random places.

I was embarrassed, but when I told him, he laughed it off.

Oh boy…

So, last night I told him I’m done with his “help” and would rather just do everything myself if he’s not willing to do things properly.

He got upset, saying he’s just trying to make things easier for me and now I’m “criticizing him for helping.”

Now he’s barely speaking to me, and I’m feeling conflicted.

AITA for telling my husband to stop “helping” if he can’t do things right?

Redditors are divided, with some siding with the wife for valuing efficiency and others feeling her approach might hurt their partnership.

Either way, it’s clear this couple has some serious chore communication issues to iron out—literally and figuratively.

This person (and many others) referred to the husband’s behavior as weaponized incompetence.

This person actually says she is the AH because she allows this behavior.

Overall, though, most people said NTA, and offered some advice.

When his “help” feels more like sabotage, maybe it’s time to just hide the laundry detergent and call it a day.

Either way, the answer is not to just allow him to do less.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.