He’s Trying To Help His Best Friend With His Trauma, But Keeping His Friend’s Secrets Is Harming His Own Relationship
by Kyra Piperides
Sometimes you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place.
When you’re holding onto someone else’s secret, what do you do?
What if it’s your best friend’s secret, and it’s hurting your fiancée not to know it?
That’s the situation that the guy in this story has found himself in – and it’s clear that something’s got to give.
Read on to find out how he’s ended up in this predicament.
AITA for telling my fiancée that my friend’s trauma is more important than her comfort?
My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis.
Our friend group has been picking up the pieces ever since.
He’s doing much better now that he’s in therapy, but he’s definitely gone through it.
What has complicated matters worse is my fiancée.
It goes without saying that I love her, but she is the definition of a busybody sometimes.
My best friend is a very private person.
She knows something happened with him, but she doesn’t know the details of what that something is.
She probably never will.
But because she’s around me and my friends often as my fiancée and I live in the same house, she hears bits and pieces of the story and presses for more information.
Read on to find out how this guy keeps his fiancée in the dark.
I try to circumvent this as best as I can – for example, I step out of the room for specific phone conversations.
But still, it’s hard to limit the discussion about it sometimes.
If it’s necessary we bring it up and she’s around in person, we’ll refer to the ‘Nolan situation’ without giving specifics.
Nolan will also stop by my place at night when he can’t sleep.
This doesn’t happen all that often – maybe twice a month.
He’ll text me or call me saying he’s outside, I’ll go sit with him and maybe smoke a little bit, then he’ll head home.
I’ll wait up until I know he got home safely, then I go back to sleep.
My fiancée hates this.
She claims the phone calls always wake her up – they don’t, she just sometimes happen to wake up for the bathroom while I’m outside – and that me not being in bed is alarming.
Yikes! Let’s see how this situation came to a head.
This brings us to last night.
Nolan stopped by and when I came back inside, my fiancée said she was ‘putting a stop to it.’
She said all the sneaking around is making her paranoid, she doesn’t feel like she can properly trust me or be a part of my friend group without knowing the details, and that Nolan needs to stop relying on me so much.
I told her that no matter whether we’re married, dating, whatever, she will never have any ownership over my friend’s trauma, and that she was never going to be able to order me around in regards to it.
I also said her comfort was less important than someone’s actual physical well-being.
She was obviously hurt by this and went to stay with her mom after work today.
AITA?
His friend has lost a parent and needs support, fine. He doesn’t want too many people to know – also fine.
But sneaking around behind his fiancée’s back with no explanation?
Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.
This commenter agreed that the guy’s priorities were all wrong.
Meanwhile, this person thought that the guy’s friend was really taking advantage of him.
And others thought that if he didn’t include his fiancée soon, the consequences could be the cause of his own life drama.
It’s very clear that this guy needs some new boundaries with his friend.
And if he is going to be married, he needs to learn to be more honest with his fiancée too.
If he still wants a fiancée he needs to get his act together.
If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.
Categories: STORIES
Tags: · aita, grief, manipulation, manipulative friend, picture, reddit, relationship problems, secretive partner, secrets, stories, top, trauma

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