Can anyone achieve anything if they work hard enough, or do some people have it easier in life than others?

In today’s story, a husband and wife disagree about the answer to this question, and that leaves the husband wondering if he’s wrong for not agreeing with his wife.

Let’s see why they disagree.

AITA for siding with my [28M] SIL [34F] over my wife [26F]?

My wife is a beautiful hard working woman who has a high education and a solid career.

We were college sweethearts and have been married 2 years.

We own a house together, we both have masters degrees and careers that we worked hard for.

We’re currently trying for a baby as we’re ready to take the next step in our lives.

His wife and her half-sister grew up in very different circumstances.

From what I gathered from my in-laws, my wife’s older sister is her half sibling.

They have the same father but grew up in different households.

After their father’s infidelity in his first marriage with my SIL’s mom, her parents divorced then my FIL remarried and had my wife with his new wife.

I heard my SIL grew up in poverty with her mother in a run down area and saw my FIL on weekends.

My wife’s parents (FIL and MIL) are very educated and have solid careers as well.

My wife grew up in a two parent household in the suburbs.

He asked his sister-in-law about her disability.

Apparently my SIL is also disabled.

I’m a very empathetic person and was curious to know what happened so I gently brought it up to my SIL during an outdoor family get together.

She confirmed it was all true and went into further detail.

She had multiple surgeries for medical conditions, was bullied in school, almost passed twice, her mother was poor and struggling, etc.

His sister-in-law got emotional explaining her situation.

Despite her degree she’s been trying to get employed for years and has used temp agencies but she said employers terminate her as soon as she requests accommodations so she’s been on/off government assistance for years.

She’s also medically sterile.

She’s apparently also been in therapy for over 10 years.

At this point my SIL started tearing up so I ended the conversation and apologized for asking.

He feels grateful for everything he has.

Later on at home when I brought up the conversation to my wife, she immediately goes on to say that her sister has a tendency to play the victim, she needs to be patient, work harder, etc, etc.

After getting to know my SIL more though I’m even more grateful for what I have.

My wedding with my wife was paid for by our family, we have solid careers that we got right out of college, we’re in great health, we have a bunch of friends and were never bullied in school.

His wife credits hard work for the reason their lives are so good.

When I brought up that I’m so thankful that we’re so fortunate, my wife immediately got defensive and goes on about hard work, not to let the past define you, anyone can make it if they try hard enough, etc.

I’ve never seen this side of her before.

While I acknowledge we’ve both worked very hard to get where we are, I gently told her we do have our parents and upbringings to thank for that.

He doesn’t agree with his wife.

She snapped at me.

She’s a licensed counselor but I honestly thought she would be more empathetic to her own family member who’s been through so much.

I definitely would.

Thankfully my siblings never went through that but I couldn’t even imagine if they did.

AITA for taking my SIL’s side over my wife’s?

It’s possible the sister-in-law isn’t being completely honest and that his wife knows the reality better than he does.

But based on the one conversation, I can see why he’d feel grateful after taking to his sister-in-law.

His wife doesn’t understand what her half-sister’s life was really like.

His wife is wrong, and it’s her parents’ fault.

This is a good point.

It’s true; she probably doesn’t understand how her father treated her half-sister.

This is a good question. Maybe he should stay out of it.

He’s not wrong, but maybe he should mind his own business.

That’s usually the best way to go.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.