Funerals aren’t just sad, they’re frequently the catalyst for a lot of family fights.

In today’s story, we hear from a woman who didn’t have the best childhood. Her mother wasn’t exactly loving.

Now that her mother has died, she’s wondering if it would be wrong to skip going to the funeral.

Let’s read all the details.

AITA/For My Declining To Attend The Service

My mother passed day before yesterday, she was 94.

I have not seen her in more than 16 years.

When I was contacted by a family member with the news, I made it very clear that I had no intention of attending her funeral.

My family member was shocked and even upset.

I tried to not sound mean or anything to him, that was not my intention.

And before you judge that, read on.

A little background- My mother had me 66 years ago, back when women were “obligated” to have kids.

Much to her displeasure, She ended out eventually having my younger brother and myself.

She clearly did not want to be a mother. We were raised by nannies.

I have never been told that she loved me -ever, nor given me a hug or a kiss. She has never shown much interest in me as a person or her daughter either.

She only showed as much attention as she had to so to not look like a bad mother, especially given my dad’s Job (high earner executive).

There’s being someone’s mother, and then there’s being a mom.

We both went to private boarding schools as soon as she could talk our father into sending us away, we were an interference with her life!

About 10 years ago, I had a life threatening illness, and not expected to survive.

Doctors told my husband to call my family in to say goodbye as I was not expected to survive.

My husband called everyone including her.

When he called her, her reply to the news I wouldn’t survive more than a couple of days, was “well thank you for calling and, goodbye”.

No questions, no concern at all.

And as if that weren’t bad enough…

We found out later the reason she didn’t come to the hospital—she had a long trip planned with friends– so she didn’t show up due to money problems, physical limitations.

She did not even call back to check on me, or get details of what was wrong with me.

Don’t misunderstand, we lived less than 5 miles apart, it was not a matter of distance…. even to the hospital, it was only about 7 miles for her.

After that, my husband who is the nicest guy did not like her when he eventually met her, and my husband likes everyone!

So, the ultimate question is:

AITA for telling the caller to “pack sand” by my refusing to attend her funeral?

I can only speak for myself but I am probably not the only one not attending!

I don’t want to be a hypocrite. So—-AITA???

What a horrible mother!

The commenters of Reddit stepped in to analyze the situation.

One theme that came up a lot was the true purpose of a funeral:

A lot of people have, unfortunately, been in this situation:

Just because you have a relationship on paper doesn’t mean there’s a connection:

Not involving yourself in your child’s life is a very big deal:

This is a pretty common decision, as it turns out:

Do the best you can with the people you love.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.