I’ve had a variety of roommate situations in my life.

Some chill, some awful, most workable in some way or another.

But inevitably, you’re going to come across a habit of a roommate that doesn’t agree with how you want to live.

The question becomes, what do you do about it?

WIBTA for telling my roommate her boyfriend can’t stay here every night?

I (19F) live with one roommate (20F) in a 2 bed 1 bath.

We only met one time before moving in, and at the time she mentioned that her former roommate had an issue with how much she was with her boyfriend.

She framed it as they spent more equal time between both of their living spaces.

Because the lease was already signed and I didn’t want to make problems with someone I just met, I semi brushed it off.

I told her as long as he stayed in her space when he was around I would be okay with it.

It’s not a great sign when someone warns you, “hey just so you know, here’s how I ruined it with the last person in your position.”

The first couple months they traded between apartments which I was completely fine with because it was balanced between having an extra person here and having the apartment to myself.

Around November however, they stopped going over to his apartment.

It started with him spending every night save maybe 2 a month.

In December I started to notice that he would take showers here every couple days.

By now, he sleeps here every night, showers here daily, goes to and from class from here (we’re all in college), is here when she’s not here, is here when neither of us are here.

It’s gotten to a point where I was starting to question if he had his own apartment anymore, because he hasn’t spent one night there since December.

At that point what you have is a second roommate, not a guest.

Last month, our utility bill (which he does not pay for any of as far as I know, and if he does it’s only her half) was more than double what it normally is.

She tried to blame it on the fact that I take longer showers, but didn’t acknowledge that she had basically moved a third person into our 2 bedroom.

On top of all of this, our lease says that housing the same person for more than 3 nights in a 30 day period isn’t allowed, and there’s a $100 fee for every extra night they stay.

Obviously this isn’t enforced strictly, but she’s in complete violation of it.

Not only that, but she also will glare at me if I bring a friend over briefly to pick something up without giving her notice, even though she has never once told me when he’s here.

But she still feels conflicted:

I want to say something because I don’t feel comfortable sharing my space constantly with a man I’ve never so much as spoken a word to, but I don’t know if I would be TA because I told her I was generally okay with it when we first met.

Let’s look at the comment feedback:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

You can’t just pretend you didn’t move someone else in.

Go full passive, full aggression?

These are battles you have to learn to pick.

One way or another, find a better living situation for yourself where you’ll be respected.

End of story.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.