Family expectations can make wedding planning feel like a minefield.

What would you do if your definition of a “small wedding” didn’t match your mother’s, and suddenly she expected you to invite 20 extra people? Would you change your plans to avoid conflict with her? Or would you stick to your original guest list even if it meant upsetting your family?

In the following story, one groom finds himself in this exact situation and is not sure what to do. Here’s what’s going on.

AITAH for not inviting my extended family to my wedding and causing my mother to go nuclear

My girlfriend and I got engaged last month.

I told my parents and they were very happy.

I asked them if there was anything they expected and they both said no and that we can do the wedding how we wanted.

We told them we wanted a small wedding and left it at that.

They weren’t joking about wanting a “small” wedding.

Here is where the miscommunication came in.

“Small” is the operative word.

My girlfriend and I wanted to do a signing ceremony and then have dinner afterwards with close family (friends will possibly be at another dinner/event).

I wouldn’t even call the dinner a reception.

“Small” means different things to different people.

The close family includes my girlfriend’s immediate family, her grandparents, and 5-6 other cousins, etc., totalling 15.

On my side: I wanted to invite my parents, sister, dad’s 3 siblings, grandparents (dad’s) and my grandma’s brother (plus wife and children – 4 people). Totalling to 16.

Both sides would have around the same number of people, for a total of ~35 people.

When I told my mom, she went nuts.

She thought small meant up to 100 people.

Now, he may be forced to invite these people.

She has cousins (her mom’s sisters’ kids) who live in the same city and said that we are disrespecting her by inviting my Grandma’s brother and not inviting her side at all.

Important to note that her siblings are all overseas, who we will have dinner with when we visit them, and her parents are long gone.

Also, her cousins and kids equal 20 additional people. So the groom and bride side would be disproportionate.

He’s not sure what to do.

We went into a huge verbal spat and are not talking at the moment.

My dad says that the only way to solve this is to invite all her cousins (not even siblings, by the way) or not invite his uncle (my grandma’s brother), who I actually see five times a year, vs. her family, who I only talk to a few of them a year when I golf with them.

AITA?

Wow! That sounds like quite the situation.

Let’s see how the people over at Reddit say he should handle it.

This person suggests he continue with his plans.

This is an excellent idea!

Here’s another plan that could work.

According to this comment, the mom “forgot” the arrangement.

The mom needs to back off.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.