Staying on good terms with your ex and his new family is important for the children.

What would you do if your ex’s new wife’s ex-husband died? Would you think the polite thing to do would be express your condolences, or would you stay out of it?

The woman in this story is wondering if she made the wrong decision.

Let’s read the whole story to decide.

AITA for offering condolences to my ex-husband’s wife after her ex-husband passed away, even though it upset her and she had my ex tell our daughter I was out of line?

I (f) share a grown daughter with my ex-husband.

He has been remarried since 2017. I’ve always tried to maintain respectful communication with his wife, especially since we’re all part of our daughter’s extended family.

She tried to be thoughtful.

Recently, her ex-husband passed away.

I sent her a brief and sincere message offering my condolences.

She responded politely with something like, “Thank you, that is very sweet of you,” so I thought everything was fine.

Not sure why he would have had the daughter send the message.

However, not long after, my ex-husband told our daughter that I was out of line for sending that message and that I shouldn’t reach out to them again.

It was upsetting that they used our daughter to deliver that message instead of speaking to me directly.

It may have been odd, but it wasn’t rude or anything.

I wasn’t trying to intrude or make anyone uncomfortable. I simply wanted to express kindness during a difficult time. While I understand we’re not close, I thought a small gesture of sympathy was appropriate.

So, AITA for offering condolences and expecting a basic level of mutual respect, even if we’re not personally close?

AITA?

It wasn’t wrong, but also wasn’t necessary, and it is kind of weird to offer condolences for an ex, I think.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit have to say.

Offering sincere condolences is always a good thing.

This person says the ex-husband likely doesn’t want to be reminded of his new wife’s past.

Using the daughter as a go-between was out of line.

This commenter says it was likely the ex-husband being insecure.

This person says it was a kind gesture.

This woman was trying to be nice, and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.