The loss of a child is a grief unimaginable to most of us, and hopefully, it stays that way.

It is doubtlessly the sort of presence in your life that leads to all sorts of things, intentional and unintentional, conscious and subconscious, well-meaning and destructive.

Check it out.

AITAH for telling my grieving MIL that her “advice” about my parenting is actually just thinly veiled criticism?

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have a sweet 18-month-old daughter.

My MIL (65) is a kind and loving person, but she tragically lost her oldest son (my husband’s brother) when he was only five.

That kind of pain never fully goes away, and I truly do feel for her.

But that pain seems to be manifesting in strange ways.

Since our daughter was born, MIL has been giving us lots of unsolicited parenting advice.

At first it felt well-meaning, but lately, it’s become more frequent and more pointed.

She’ll say things like, “Are you sure she’s eating enough? My son loved vegetables,” or “He never cried like that.”

It often feels like she’s comparing our daughter to the child she lost—and implying we’re somehow falling short.

My husband has tried gently redirecting the conversation, but MIL often gets tearful and says she’s just trying to help.

I’ve been dealing with postpartum anxiety, and these visits leave me emotionally drained.

I cry after almost every one. Her comments make me question everything I’m doing as a mom.

Finally, the stress became too much.

Yesterday was my breaking point.

MIL stopped by and saw our daughter playing quietly while I was prepping lunch.

She said, “Oh, she’s so quiet. My son was always active. You should really be playing with her more.”

That was it.

I snapped and told her, “I know you mean well, and we know how much you miss [husband’s brother]. But your advice isn’t helping—it feels like criticism, and it’s hurting me. We’re doing our best. Please trust us.”

And now everyone is hurt.

She burst into tears and left.

My husband is upset that I made her cry, even though he agrees her comments were unfair.

Now his extended family is calling me insensitive and heartless for upsetting a grieving mother.

I’m genuinely not trying to be cruel.

I’m just exhausted and hurting. AITAH for finally saying something?

People from different life experiences chimed in:

This has clearly been happening for a long time.

Some form of professional help is needed here.

This is not healthy for anyone involved.

Here’s hoping they can all find some peace.

It doesn’t sound like it’s coming anytime soon.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.