Honoring lost loved ones can be deeply emotional, but it can also be expensive.

When her mother insisted on replacing an aging cross at her father’s grave, she found herself caught between supporting her mother’s grief or paying her other long list of bills.

Read on for the full story.

AITA for neglecting fixing stuff at cemetery?

17 years ago, my dad passed away. I was nine at that moment, and it was indeed quite hard times.

The family has done a good job of keeping up with the burial site.

Since then, me and my family have been coming to attend his grave.

There’s always some work to do, like getting rid of all the fallen leaves or adding some fresh sand around the grave.

But she’s not so sure she wants to continue keeping up with the constant maintenance.

Here comes a controversial part: I loved my dad, and I still do. I hold dear memories of him, always. But all this “ritual” business holds very little value to me.

This year, my mom pointed out how a wooden cross that was initially installed on the grave is seriously worn out.

Not like it’s falling apart or anything, but yeah, it’s quite old and I had to paint it a few times over the years.

She’s really convinced that we absolutely need to get a new one.

Ideally, she wants a tombstone.

She has several reservations with this request.

I’m not sure if I need to tell you this, but things like that cost a LOT.

And I’ve been saving up money for almost a year, because our house really needs some repair work.

We had a good talk about this situation, and I think I explained my opinion on the matter very clearly to her.

Mom’s still very much insisting on replacing the cross.

But she feels like the responsibility falls squarely on her to front the cost.

It’s probably worth mentioning at this point that it’s mostly my income that we live off.

Is it wrong or immoral of me to prioritize our actual life conditions over all the “ritual” stuff?

WIBTA if I use the savings on the stuff I originally intended to?

When money is tight, every expense really matters.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter doesn’t think it’s that controversial to want to prioritize the living over those who have passed on.

Their dad would want them to put their needs first.

It’s unlikely their dad cares much about the aesthetics of his resting place.

This commenter thinks the priorities are much better focused on improving their quality of life right now.

She doesn’t need decorations to sum up her love for her father.

This time, survival had to win over symbolism.

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