Weddings can be costly. And knowing where everyone stands is important.

Being a bridesmaid can be pretty expensive, so what would you do if between hair, makeup, dress and bachelorette trips, you simply couldn’t afford to be a bridesmaid? Would you go in debt to be a part of your friend’s wedding, or would you step down as bridesmaid?

This Redditor has a friend planning a wedding with rising costs — making the whole event stressful.

Read how it all goes down below.

WIBTA – Pulling out from being a bridesmaid

WIBTA for wanting to pull out of being a bridesmaid?

When my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid, I was upfront that I likely couldn’t afford it.

At the time, the friend seemed to be on the same page.

She reassured me most things would be covered.

I’m a casual worker with heart and liver disease, and my hours are reducing further, due to ongoing health issues.

She’s already bought dresses (one-size-fits-all), personalised gifts, and DIY wedding decorations.

The wedding is local to her (down south), while I live interstate.

And the friend continued to be communicative about their life.

Originally, she told me the wedding would be early 2026.

I mentioned I had something locked in on Jan 16 with two other friends.

A few weeks later, she sends me a pre-invite for that exact date.

I let it go — it’s her big day.

But the events have started rolling in, and this friend is stressing.

She’s planning multiple events: a November girls/family weekend (hens, kitchen tea, etc.), and possibly a hens in QLD (where I live, but not in my town).

I said I’d try, but it depends on cost and timing.

I asked which event was more important, but she wants me at both, which means time off work and two expensive interstate trips.

And the expenses come along with that…

She booked a penthouse for the hens and asked us to pay her back.

I said I’ll stay with my nan due to my health (not drinking) and finances.

I’ve now had to cancel Christmas with my family — something I was really looking forward to — to afford the wedding travel.

But for this bridesmaid, the math isn’t mathing.

She’s now asking me to stay for both November weekends.

That’s over a week off unpaid work.

I’ve said I can’t afford to stay in the unit or owe anyone money — I need a new car (mine was written off), live with my parents again due to finances, and am trying to save to move out with my partner.

Here’s where things get really wild.

The latest? She found a “discounted” hair/makeup artist: $450 per person.

She said, “Don’t stress too much — it’s divided by 7. Let me know if I should cover you and you can pay me back.”

And the $450 is a huge chunk of change for this pal.

But I am stressed. $450 is half my paycheck.

I’ve said before I can’t take on more debt.

She told me originally she didn’t care if I did my own makeup — now it feels like a guilt trip.

Even my aunty offered to cover it, but I declined.

I’m already stretched with board, phone bills, rego, and rising grocery/fuel costs (especially with frequent hospital trips).

Plus, there’s a bigger priority on the table.

I’m really trying to prioritise my health.

Everyone around me is telling me to be careful not to damage the friendship, but I feel like I’ve been upfront from the start — and it keeps becoming more and more.

This friend feels blindsided and is considering jumping ship.

She tells me one thing privately, then the group chat says something else.

I don’t want to be a flake, but this is financially and emotionally overwhelming.

So, WIBTA if I pulled out of being a bridesmaid?

Is this rude or self-care? Let’s see how Reddit weighs in by reading the comments below.

Redditors immediately sided with the OP.

People thought if the friend stayed — it might end in regret.

And they also considered the bride’s expectations.

But, one reader mentioned notice is crucial.

This friend shouldn’t be a bridesmaid.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.